Diskeeper 2009
   with InvisiTasking(r)

Maximising Performance and Reliability --- Automatically

Improve your system's performance by up to 40% and save valuable company 
resources now!

EXTENDED 45-DAY TRAILWARE

Do not make illegal copies of this CD.






Ah, the bittersweet smell of psuedo-scientific technobabble, 
unsubstantiated claims and optimistic marketoid drivel. IT'S A GOD 
DAMNED DEFRAGGER! If your system isn't fragmented in the first place, it 
won't make any difference. :-P

I have no idea why I received this CD. But then, I'm not sure why I 
received the Insight UK catelogue it came with either...

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On Mon, 29 Jun 2009 16:48:05 +0100, Invisible wrote:

> I have no idea why I received this CD. But then, I'm not sure why I
> received the Insight UK catelogue it came with either...

That's easy:  You got on someone's mailing list. :-)

Jim

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Invisible wrote:
> Improve your system's performance by up to 40% and save valuable company 
> resources now!

Given how crappy Windows runs when it's thrashing the disk, this isn't 
really much of a stretch.

I defragged the virtual disks for the VM on my work laptop, and compiles 
went from 3.5 hours to 2 hours. At least, that's the only explanation I can 
come up with for why it's so much faster.

> I have no idea why I received this CD. 

Probably because you're still running NT.

-- 
   Darren New, San Diego CA, USA (PST)
   Insanity is a small city on the western
   border of the State of Mind.

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>> Improve your system's performance by up to 40% and save valuable 
>> company resources now!
> 
> Given how crappy Windows runs when it's thrashing the disk, this isn't 
> really much of a stretch.

Only if it's actually fragmented in the first place.

Some of our old NT machines have 2GB HDs that are permanently 
fragmented. But most of the new systems have huge 80GB drives that are 
about 10% full. Fragmentation is minimal to non-existent. Sure, I defrag 
them now and then. But there's no noticable performance difference. 
Hell, even defragging the fileserver doesn't produce a noticable 
performance difference. (Doesn't even slow down noticably while it's 
doing it.) I guess the network latency is higher, or the RAID system 
compensates, or something.

When you have a massively, massively fragmented drive, it slows to a 
crawl. Other than that, it's really not a big deal.

>> I have no idea why I received this CD. 
> 
> Probably because you're still running NT.

How in the name of God would that know that?

Besides, all the NT systems have Diskeeper Lite installed. >:-)

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Maximising performance & reliability

Improve your system performance by up to 40% with Diskeeper.

Today's servers must cope with escalating demands to process bandwidth 
and volume sizes without bottlenecking. It is literally impossible to do 
this effectively without the ability to dynamically eliminate 
fragmentation as Diskeeper is designed to do.

Microsoft Windows servers run faster and more reliably with Diskeeper 
and stay that way without needing any intervention from the IT 
Administrator.

The Breakthrough of Invisible Software

InvisiTasking's truly transparent background processing technology 
allows Diskeeper 2009 to defragment your computer in real time, 
completely eliminating long, resource-hogging, productivity-robbing 
maintenance processes.

Key Features:

- InvisiTasking(r)

- Complete file and free space defragmentation.

- I-FAAST(r) 2.0 (Intelligent File Access Acceleration Sequencing 
Technology) automatically boosts access speeds for the most commonly 
used files.

- Terebyte Volume Engine(tm) 2.0 (TVE) eliminates the rapid 
fragmentation build-up that occurs in high capacity and high traffic 
24/7 servers that handle hundreds of thousands to millions of files 
(e.g. NAS, RAID, and SAN).

- Fragshield(r) 2.0 boosts reliability and availability by automatically 
preventing crash-inducing fragmentation of critical system files.

- Support for MOM/SCOM.



Diskeeper is also available in the following versions:


Diskeeper 2009 Professional

Designed for the typical office PC user, Diskeeper 2009 Professional 
includes advanced protection against performance problems for PCs and 
Laptops.


Diskeeper Pro Premier

Specially designed for high-end systems and power users! Get an EXTRA 
performance boost above and beyond anything you have ever experienced 
before - even better than when your system was new!


Diskeeper Enterprise Server

Efficiently defragments volumes from 100GBs up to and exceeding 20 
terabytes at maximum speeds with new Titan Defragmentation Engine (TDE), 
the most powerful engine ever built.


Diskeeper Administrator

Provides centralised defragmentation management, alerting, and reporting 
tools to empower System Administrators with easy network-wide control.

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Invisible wrote:

> Improve your system performance by up to 40% with Diskeeper.

Why only 40%?

If your system isn't fragmented at all, a defragger will have 0% impact 
(in the best case; more likely a slight negative impact while it's 
running). If you system is highly fragmented, 400% or 4,000% might well 
be plausible.

> Today's servers must cope with escalating demands to process bandwidth 
> and volume sizes without bottlenecking.

I'm pretty sure "bottlenecking" isn't an actual verb. It's a noun. Also 
"process bandwidth and volume sizes"? Was this written by a 5 year old? 
Or are they just trying to cram as many technical-sounding words into it 
as possible to Clueless CEO will think this is a hip and happening 
product? Certainly anybody who knows WTF fragmentation actually is 
should be raising an eyebrow at this point.

> It is literally impossible to do 
> this effectively without the ability to dynamically eliminate 
> fragmentation as Diskeeper is designed to do.

Well, given the nebulous meaning of "process bandwidth and volume 
sizes", I couldn't say whether I'm doing it or not. But I doubt it's 
"impossible" at all. :-P

> Microsoft Windows servers run faster and more reliably with Diskeeper 
> and stay that way without needing any intervention from the IT 
> Administrator.

Oh really?

Faster, possibly. More reliably? How do you figure that one?

> The Breakthrough of Invisible Software
> 
> InvisiTasking's truly transparent background processing technology 
> allows Diskeeper 2009 to defragment your computer in real time, 
> completely eliminating long, resource-hogging, productivity-robbing 
> maintenance processes.

This is clearly written for Mr Clueless CEO. Look at the language: 
resource-hogging, productivity-robbing maintenance. Oh how terrible! 
Will somebody PLEASE think of the children?!

> Key Features:
> 
> - InvisiTasking(r)

This is a key feature?

This is a registered trademark??

> - Complete file and free space defragmentation.

Given that this is the product's ONLY PURPOSE FOR EXISTING, one would 
hope so, yes.

> - I-FAAST(r) 2.0 (Intelligent File Access Acceleration Sequencing 
> Technology) automatically boosts access speeds for the most commonly 
> used files.

You can *so* tell that I-FAAST is an acronym purposely chosen to spell 
"fast". I can almost see the Dilbert strip now...

"Sir, this is crap."
"But... but... it says FAST on it! It must be FAST!!"

> - Terabyte Volume Engine(tm) 2.0 (TVE) eliminates the rapid 
> fragmentation build-up that occurs in high capacity and high traffic 
> 24/7 servers that handle hundreds of thousands to millions of files 
> (e.g. NAS, RAID, and SAN).

Terabyte Volume Engine? (That's a trademark??) What, because if it 
doesn't say "terabyte" on it, it's not as good?

What difference does it make how many files it handles? Either there's 
contiguous free space available or there isn't. Doesn't matter how many 
files there are.

Ah, and gotta throw in a little technobabble like NAS, RAID ans SAN 
(they're all the same class of thing, right?) so that Clueless CEO knows 
that every SAN needs to have Diskeeper.

> - Fragshield(r) 2.0 boosts reliability and availability by automatically 
> preventing crash-inducing fragmentation of critical system files.

Ah-hah, here we have the culprit: They're trying to suggest that file 
fragmentation "induces" system crashes. By this simple fabrication, they 
can claim that their performance improvement tool is in fact a 
*reliability* improvement tool. As in, if you don't have this, your 
systems will be unreliable and cost you money! Oh noes!!

> Diskeeper 2009 Professional
> 
> Designed for the typical office PC user, Diskeeper 2009 Professional 
> includes advanced protection against performance problems for PCs and 
> Laptops.

It is unclear whether this "advanced protection" against "performance 
problems" includes something beyond simple disk defragmentation. Maybe 
they mean I-FAAST, or perhaps they mean it does other things such as 
data prefetch to RAM or something? Hey, maybe it was a "registry 
optimiser" feature? (Remember those?)

> Diskeeper Pro Premier
> 
> Specially designed for high-end systems and power users! Get an EXTRA 
> performance boost above and beyond anything you have ever experienced 
> before - even better than when your system was new!

Pro Premier? Well, *this* is the puppy then, right?

Oh, well, if it gives me EXTRA performance... (Note the original advert 
uses caps rather than italics. It's a printed ad, they could easily use 
italics, or boldface, but they used caps. Nice.)

Wow, "beyond anything you have ever experienced" - sounds impressive, 
eh? [The sysadmin inside me is screaming IT'S A DEFRAGGER!!]

"Even better than when your system was new"? Well, the last Acer I 
bought was fragmented to hell when it was new; it's improved 
considerably since then. (Could be partially due to Vista doing weird 
stuff like indexing and prefetching and God knows what else...)

> Diskeeper Enterprise Server
> 
> Efficiently defragments volumes from 100GBs up to and exceeding 20 
> terabytes at maximum speeds with new Titan Defragmentation Engine (TDE), 
> the most powerful engine ever built.

Again I find "100GBs" to be grammatically dubious. Ditto "maximum 
speeds". And "the most powerful engine ever built"? What is it, a car? 
This thing moves data around; what's to be "powerful" about it?

Basically, from this assessment, it is impossible to tell how Enterprise 
Server is any different from the other products, other than perhaps that 
they've tested it on really large volumes.

But hey, I'm not the target audience, am I? This is clearly aimed at 
clueless n00bs who will buy anything with enough management power-speak 
in the product litrature.

As I say, reading this makes my inner computer nerd want to shriek LIES! 
LIES! THE CAKE IS A GODDAMN LIE!!! >_<

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>> Today's servers must cope with escalating demands to process bandwidth 
>> and volume sizes without bottlenecking.
>
>> It is literally impossible to do this effectively without the ability to 
>> dynamically eliminate fragmentation as Diskeeper is designed to do.
>
> Well, given the nebulous meaning of "process bandwidth and volume sizes", 
> I couldn't say whether I'm doing it or not. But I doubt it's "impossible" 
> at all. :-P

Some tech guy probably drafted the original version, which while technically 
accurate was not "appealing" enough so marketing changed and added some bits 
that sounded good.  Then legal came in and told them to change the wording a 
bit more to avoid making false claims, and then you got the result :-)

Anyway, back to your exact comment, they are claiming it's impossible to do 
blah blah blah without bottlenecking, surely every system has a bottle neck 
somewhere?   Also note they don't claim that it is possible *with* their 
system, just that it is impossible without it...

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Invisible wrote:

> Microsoft Windows servers run faster and more reliably with Diskeeper 
> and stay that way without needing any intervention from the IT 
> Administrator.

This, I feel, is the basic message of the whole advert. "Hey, just buy 
our product! It's a silver bullet that will Make Everything Better(tm)."

God I want to smack people when they make unsubstantiated claims like 
that...

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> Some tech guy probably drafted the original version, which while 
> technically accurate was not "appealing" enough so marketing changed and 
> added some bits that sounded good.  Then legal came in and told them to 
> change the wording a bit more to avoid making false claims, and then you 
> got the result :-)

Yeah, probably...

> Also note they don't claim that it is possible 
> *with* their system, just that it is impossible without it...

Ooo... you've played this game before! ;-) Yes, they assert that it is 
*designed* to avoid bottlenecks, while carefully avoiding claiming that 
it *succeeds* [although they very strongly imply it]. I wonder if that 
works in a court of law?

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>> Microsoft Windows servers run faster and more reliably with Diskeeper and 
>> stay that way without needing any intervention from the IT Administrator.
>
> This, I feel, is the basic message of the whole advert. "Hey, just buy our 
> product! It's a silver bullet that will Make Everything Better(tm)."
>
> God I want to smack people when they make unsubstantiated claims like 
> that...

They can probably legally say that because they did some test with a 10 year 
old system full and fragmented like anything that crashed once, did some 
timings on it, then let their software run for a week and did the same 
tests, and saw some improvement.  Why don't you call them and ask for the 
details :-)

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