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>> Ooo, maybe I could become that friend she trusts and tells all her
>> problems to, but never actually dates? :-S
>
> Maybe. That can be educational, but also can be very frustrating.
Yes. And given the way my life works, that's where I suspect I'll end
up. :-/
--
http://blog.orphi.me.uk/
http://www.zazzle.com/MathematicalOrchid*
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>> So maybe I *don't* suck at talking to people - maybe it's just that the
>> people I usually have around me are arseholes?
>
> Result! What have we been trying to tell you for the last how-many-years?
That I can't spell?
--
http://blog.orphi.me.uk/
http://www.zazzle.com/MathematicalOrchid*
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On Thu, 30 Apr 2009 18:45:22 +0100, Orchid XP v8 wrote:
>>> Ooo, maybe I could become that friend she trusts and tells all her
>>> problems to, but never actually dates? :-S
>>
>> Maybe. That can be educational, but also can be very frustrating.
>
> Yes. And given the way my life works, that's where I suspect I'll end
> up. :-/
Well, if anything we can always count on you being pessimistic about
life. ;-)
Jim
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On Thu, 30 Apr 2009 18:45:41 +0100, Orchid XP v8 wrote:
>>> So maybe I *don't* suck at talking to people - maybe it's just that
>>> the people I usually have around me are arseholes?
>>
>> Result! What have we been trying to tell you for the last
>> how-many-years?
>
> That I can't spell?
No, the other thing.... ;-)
Jim
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>> Yes. And given the way my life works, that's where I suspect I'll end
>> up. :-/
>
> Well, if anything we can always count on you being pessimistic about
> life. ;-)
Well that's not entirely true. As you may have noticed, when something
actually goes right for once, I suddenly become very optimistic.
(Perhaps excessively so.) It's just that for the most part, my life is a
failure, so usually I'm pessimistic.
--
http://blog.orphi.me.uk/
http://www.zazzle.com/MathematicalOrchid*
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On Thu, 30 Apr 2009 20:13:41 +0100, Orchid XP v8 wrote:
>>> Yes. And given the way my life works, that's where I suspect I'll end
>>> up. :-/
>>
>> Well, if anything we can always count on you being pessimistic about
>> life. ;-)
>
> Well that's not entirely true. As you may have noticed, when something
> actually goes right for once, I suddenly become very optimistic.
You need to make it less "sudden" and more a way of being. While it is
true that an optimist is likely to be disappointed and a pessimist
surprised, having a more positive outlook tends to be better for one's
mental health.
> (Perhaps excessively so.) It's just that for the most part, my life is a
> failure, so usually I'm pessimistic.
See, you need to stop with statements like "my life is a failure".
That's what we've been saying. And I won't bore you with things like
"you've got a roof over your head, you eat regularly, and you've got a
paying job - and that's much better than a lot of people have" because
that's not generally helpful.
But at the same time, you maybe should admit once in a while that while
you think your life sucks, compared to people whose lives really suck,
you don't have it so bad.
Jim
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>> Well that's not entirely true. As you may have noticed, when something
>> actually goes right for once, I suddenly become very optimistic.
>
> You need to make it less "sudden" and more a way of being.
Easier said than done.
> having a more positive outlook tends to be better for one's
> mental health.
I'm not disagreeing.
>> It's just that for the most part, my life is a
>> failure, so usually I'm pessimistic.
>
> See, you need to stop with statements like "my life is a failure".
> That's what we've been saying.
And what *I* have been saying is that when you repeatedly try to do
things and are greeted only with failure, it makes it really, *really*
hard to remain positive.
Most people fail sometimes, and succeed sometimes. Unfortunately, I fail
almost *all* the time. This is extremely depressing.
(That's probably why I get so hyperactive on the rare occasions where
something actually works...)
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On Fri, 01 May 2009 09:44:45 +0100, Invisible wrote:
>>> Well that's not entirely true. As you may have noticed, when something
>>> actually goes right for once, I suddenly become very optimistic.
>>
>> You need to make it less "sudden" and more a way of being.
>
> Easier said than done.
Nobody said life was easy - there are things one has to work at.
>>> It's just that for the most part, my life is a failure, so usually I'm
>>> pessimistic.
>>
>> See, you need to stop with statements like "my life is a failure".
>> That's what we've been saying.
>
> And what *I* have been saying is that when you repeatedly try to do
> things and are greeted only with failure, it makes it really, *really*
> hard to remain positive.
Oscar Wilde (I think) once said something like "experience is what you
get when you don't get what you want". You do seem to learn from the bad
and you don't give up (as evidenced by your recent success in getting a
phone number), so that's a good thing. That's something to be positive
about.
> Most people fail sometimes, and succeed sometimes. Unfortunately, I fail
> almost *all* the time. This is extremely depressing.
You *feel* you fail almost all the time. That's not the same as actually
failing all the time. Count the success - as in this case - of getting
the phone number, and having the courage to ask for it. That's a win.
The outcome, while clearly not positive - look at that as a secondary. A
step in the right direction is getting over the shy enough to talk to
someone you only normally talk to in her professional capacity.
What it looks like from here is that you're looking at the entire
sequence of events as a total epic failure. It's not. There are small
successes in there and things you should be proud of having done. So it
didn't work out with this one - ultimately, so what? The thing is you
took a chance, and taking chances is what life is all about. That's a
win no matter how you slice it.
> (That's probably why I get so hyperactive on the rare occasions where
> something actually works...)
That's a perfectly reasonable reaction. People get excited when things
go their way or have a positive outcome.
Jim
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> Nobody said life was easy - there are things one has to work at.
As I say, most other people have folks around them to turn to for
support and encouragement. I don't really have that.
>> Most people fail sometimes, and succeed sometimes. Unfortunately, I fail
>> almost *all* the time. This is extremely depressing.
>
> You *feel* you fail almost all the time. That's not the same as actually
> failing all the time. Count the success - as in this case - of getting
> the phone number, and having the courage to ask for it. That's a win.
Sure. It is. But one win doesn't make up for a lifetime of failure.
(What I need to do is figure out the next step. In various areas. But if
I could do that... I would have already taken the next step, several
years ago.)
> What it looks like from here is that you're looking at the entire
> sequence of events as a total epic failure. It's not. There are small
> successes in there and things you should be proud of having done. So it
> didn't work out with this one - ultimately, so what? The thing is you
> took a chance, and taking chances is what life is all about. That's a
> win no matter how you slice it.
I'm quite happy with how it went with this girl. What's depressing the
hell out of me is my repeated attempts to get a job are getting me
nowhere, my repeated attempts to have a social life are getting me
nowhere, my repeated attempts to enjoy myself aren't working... it's
just extremely demotivating when all you experience is failure.
--
http://blog.orphi.me.uk/
http://www.zazzle.com/MathematicalOrchid*
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On Fri, 01 May 2009 19:43:44 +0100, Orchid XP v8 wrote:
>> Nobody said life was easy - there are things one has to work at.
>
> As I say, most other people have folks around them to turn to for
> support and encouragement. I don't really have that.
You have that here. Sure, it's not the same as having it in meatspace,
but we actually do exist.
>>> Most people fail sometimes, and succeed sometimes. Unfortunately, I
>>> fail almost *all* the time. This is extremely depressing.
>>
>> You *feel* you fail almost all the time. That's not the same as
>> actually failing all the time. Count the success - as in this case -
>> of getting the phone number, and having the courage to ask for it.
>> That's a win.
>
> Sure. It is. But one win doesn't make up for a lifetime of failure.
It's not "one win". It's one of several wins. You just keep looking at
the results and thinking that all the components that led up to that
point must also be total failures.
> (What I need to do is figure out the next step. In various areas. But if
> I could do that... I would have already taken the next step, several
> years ago.)
You did the next step - to try to make contact. You can't control the
way people will react or the things going on in their lives that may
change their minds about spending time with you.
>> What it looks like from here is that you're looking at the entire
>> sequence of events as a total epic failure. It's not. There are small
>> successes in there and things you should be proud of having done. So
>> it didn't work out with this one - ultimately, so what? The thing is
>> you took a chance, and taking chances is what life is all about.
>> That's a win no matter how you slice it.
>
> I'm quite happy with how it went with this girl. What's depressing the
> hell out of me is my repeated attempts to get a job are getting me
> nowhere, my repeated attempts to have a social life are getting me
> nowhere, my repeated attempts to enjoy myself aren't working... it's
> just extremely demotivating when all you experience is failure.
Like I said, you're not constantly failing, you're taking small steps.
You go out and dance, don't you? That's a social activity, and you sure
don't sound like you're failing there.
You seem to enjoy your music immensely. That sure doesn't sound like a
failure to me.
I remember several months ago (maybe even a year ago) you talked about
meeting with one of your neighbors and having a wonderful time. Have you
gotten together with them again? Have you suggested maybe going for
drinks and a visit?
As for the job search, what have you done in the last few weeks? If I
worked in a place that was as problematic as you've described your
office, I wouldn't rest until I had found something else, no matter how
many job applications I'd submitted and been rejected for. Hell, I *did*
that. I told you about my intolerable job (the one I quit with nothing
to go to and left myself unemployed *on my own* and *away from family and
most of my friends* for three months) and what I did to try to find
another job. I was rejected for job after job - taking time off and
instead of enjoying myself going on interviews to be told "no, you don't
have the right certifications" or "you're overqualified for this
position".
In spite of the continual failure to find something (and I looked for
months before quitting the current job at the time in disgust with
management), I kept looking. I networked with people, and eventually
found something. But it didn't happen overnight, and it didn't happen
with me sitting on my hands and going "oh poor me, my life sucks". I was
absolutely scared shitless that I was going to lose my home (and I nearly
did at that).
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