On Fri, 01 May 2009 19:43:44 +0100, Orchid XP v8 wrote:

>> Nobody said life was easy - there are things one has to work at.
> 
> As I say, most other people have folks around them to turn to for
> support and encouragement. I don't really have that.

You have that here.  Sure, it's not the same as having it in meatspace, 
but we actually do exist.

>>> Most people fail sometimes, and succeed sometimes. Unfortunately, I
>>> fail almost *all* the time. This is extremely depressing.
>> 
>> You *feel* you fail almost all the time.  That's not the same as
>> actually failing all the time.  Count the success - as in this case -
>> of getting the phone number, and having the courage to ask for it. 
>> That's a win.
> 
> Sure. It is. But one win doesn't make up for a lifetime of failure.

It's not "one win".  It's one of several wins.  You just keep looking at 
the results and thinking that all the components that led up to that 
point must also be total failures.

> (What I need to do is figure out the next step. In various areas. But if
> I could do that... I would have already taken the next step, several
> years ago.)

You did the next step - to try to make contact.  You can't control the 
way people will react or the things going on in their lives that may 
change their minds about spending time with you.

>> What it looks like from here is that you're looking at the entire
>> sequence of events as a total epic failure.  It's not.  There are small
>> successes in there and things you should be proud of having done.  So
>> it didn't work out with this one - ultimately, so what?  The thing is
>> you took a chance, and taking chances is what life is all about. 
>> That's a win no matter how you slice it.
> 
> I'm quite happy with how it went with this girl. What's depressing the
> hell out of me is my repeated attempts to get a job are getting me
> nowhere, my repeated attempts to have a social life are getting me
> nowhere, my repeated attempts to enjoy myself aren't working... it's
> just extremely demotivating when all you experience is failure.

Like I said, you're not constantly failing, you're taking small steps.

You go out and dance, don't you?  That's a social activity, and you sure 
don't sound like you're failing there.

You seem to enjoy your music immensely.  That sure doesn't sound like a 
failure to me.

I remember several months ago (maybe even a year ago) you talked about 
meeting with one of your neighbors and having a wonderful time.  Have you 
gotten together with them again?  Have you suggested maybe going for 
drinks and a visit?

As for the job search, what have you done in the last few weeks?  If I 
worked in a place that was as problematic as you've described your 
office, I wouldn't rest until I had found something else, no matter how 
many job applications I'd submitted and been rejected for.  Hell, I *did* 
that.  I told you about my intolerable job (the one I quit with nothing 
to go to and left myself unemployed *on my own* and *away from family and 
most of my friends* for three months) and what I did to try to find 
another job.  I was rejected for job after job - taking time off and 
instead of enjoying myself going on interviews to be told "no, you don't 
have the right certifications" or "you're overqualified for this 
position".

In spite of the continual failure to find something (and I looked for 
months before quitting the current job at the time in disgust with 
management), I kept looking.  I networked with people, and eventually 
found something.  But it didn't happen overnight, and it didn't happen 
with me sitting on my hands and going "oh poor me, my life sucks".  I was 
absolutely scared shitless that I was going to lose my home (and I nearly 
did at that).

Post a reply to this message