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>> I spent 6 months doing drawing classes. Not that it helped any.
>
> Six months, and you never made a friend, male or female??
Nope.
In fairness, there *was* only 6 of us. Four of us were pensioners (Not
that there's anything *wrong* with that, you understand.) The girl was
cute though. But despite my efforts, I never actually managed to get
into a conversation with her. (It turns out drawing isn't very sociable;
lots of intensely concentrating on what you're doing, not much talking
to other people.)
I wouldn't mind, but I didn't even improve my drawing skills... :-(
> Are you any good at sports?
No.
> Are you a good runner?
Moderately good at sprinting. Hopeless at long distance.
Actually, I'm better at jumping. Long or high. I have long legs, you see...
> Have you tried your
> local athletics club or sports club? If you want to meet girls, get down
> that track. About 10 years ago, I ran two laps of our local track for a
> charity and there were plenty of girls there limbering up. Go where the
> girls are, make friends, and take it from there.
Nice idea, but... I'm not good at running, and I certainly don't enjoy it.
That's why I went for dancing. Why do something you hate? And people
have been telling me for years that dance classes are The Ultimate Way
To Meet Girls. As with every other such suggestion, this one has now
been thoroughly falsified. But I intend to keep going anyway...
>> Well there seem to be plenty of people where I work who have been there
>> only a month or two and are already best mates with just about everybody.
>> But I've been there for *years*, and still nobody wants to know me.
>
> No, you *assume* that they are best mates. Yes, some might be, but to
> be honest, most there will have 'best mates' outside of work.
Well, they all have each other's phone numbers, hang out at each other's
houses, recently several of them went to one of the weddings, etc.
Nobody extends that kind of friendliness towards me. Indeed, I'm lucky
if I can get a few syllables of conversation. (But yes, they probably
have loads more friends outside work too.)
>> Well when I was at uni, most of the guys in my class were my age, and not
>> married. Now all of the ones I still have data on are married. Only a few
>> years later.
>
> Because they went out, and enjoyed themselves meeting all kinds of
> people and you didn't, you stayed in learning your computer.
And now I've missed my chance, so it's too late. Yay, me. :-(
>>> Well, sorry, but there must be something wrong with you.
>> Yeah, thanks. Rub it in why don't you?
>
> Look, sorry you didn't like that Andrew, but mate, that's life. I would
> say the same thing to you if you were in front of me right now. I'm not
> trying to upset you, I'm trying to help you but you almost seem helpless.
> It's like we throw good idea's and suggestions at you and you go dancing
> with grannies! (And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that). Do you
> think these guys on here are stupid or something? They're not, most of them
> have seen some life and they're trying to help you as best they can, and
> really, I can't remember one suggestion from any of them that wouldn't help
> you.
Yeah, and I try these things, and they don't work. And yet still people
tell me that I'm "not trying". What do you want? Blood??
I realise most of the people saying these things are just trying to
help, but seriously... I've tried a whole lot of stuff. It isn't working
for me. I don't know why, but it isn't. I'm doing my best here, and
telling me that I'm not trying is just upsetting.
>> Guess what? I *have* almost never met anybody. And the few people I have
>> met have almost all reacted very negatively to me.
>
> You have to ask yourself *WHY?*
I don't know. Because I'm not a beer-drinking football hooligan? Because
I'm a shy, quiet, introverted male with unconventional interests?
Because I'm ugly? Because I'm boring? Because I talk like a robot?
Because I'm not a fearless people-magnet? I honestly don't know.
> When Stephen, John and myself met you,
> did we react negatively towards you? NO. No we didn't, we thought you were a
> great guy apart from your over-the-top nerves which I at least thought was
> kind of strange, but it didn't stop me liking you, and I still like you, I
> think you're a great guy and if I lived anywhere near you, I'd probably be
> your best mate right now. You know why? Because I care.
Nice to know that somebody does...
Unfortunately, it turns out that almost everybody who "likes" me lives
absolultely nowhere near me. I keep trying to change that, but it's not
happening.
> It IS normal to be nervous! I was, very. And then 5 minutes later, that
> went out the window. I felt very comfortable with all three of you and would
> love to meet you all again. You see, I don't care what 'you' think of me, it
> doesn't even enter my head. When I meet someone, of course, I hope that I
> give an ok impression of myself, and I don't think I've let anyone down yet
> in that respect. If someone doesn't like me, then that's their loss, I don't
> take it to heart, and never will.
Well, you're a lot braver than I am. (Actually most humans are for that
matter...)
> Oh come on, that's a bad example to use.
My point being, *knowing* you shouldn't be afraid does nothing to make
you feel better.
>>> Over possessive?
>> Perhaps.
>>
>> I'm told it's a common problem for beginners and they gradually get over
>> it. Of course, most "beginners" aren't 30 - more like 13...
>
> You think there aren't others that don't have partners when they're your
> age?? I can bet you that there are PLENTY.
I'm sure there are lots of people of all ages who don't have a partner
*right now*. But almost all of these people have *had* one at some
point. I haven't yet. (And almost all of these people have *friends*
too. Not many people spend their entire lives in solitary confinement.)
> Join a dating club!! Do one of those speed dating evenings! You'll meet
> people your age that are LOOKING for a date!!
Yep, done that. Several times. Didn't work.
I've signed up to every Internet dating website going. I've been to no
less than 8 seperate speed dating events. (I was the youngest person by
roughly 10 years, and the ladies were all well outnumbered.) I've been
to several singles nights. I even joined in with the salsa lessons
there, even though I was terrified. Heck, I even walked onto the dance
floor when that cute girl beckoned me over, even though the floor was
empty and the entire room was watching me. None of it did me any good.
I seriously think some people here think I never do anything to attempt
to meet people. IT'S NOT TRUE!
Marcus invited me to a party. I went along, even though I was terrified.
He promised the place would be loaded with girls. It was - they were all
about 14. Marcus invited me to go clumbing with him. I went along. (And
managed to convince his climbing buddy that I'm a moron.) It's not like
I don't ever try things.
>> How about I go out with somebody who actually likes the same things as me?
>> Isn't that what most people do?
>
> Not a necessity at all, but just how are you going to find someone that
> is interested in Haskell, computers, 3D graphics and organs. You see, you're
> limiting yourself with the things that you like. You've got to broaden your
> horizons.
Well, I like skiing, and I've already met several of Marcus's female
buddies who are into that. Ditto for rock climbing. Surely it can't be
*that* hard to find somebody reasonably compatible with me. (Granted,
finding somebody compatible enough to spend your entire life with is
much, much harder. Even normal people struggle with that one...)
> I didn't mean that, I meant even if you get with someone, there's a
> huge list of things that might crop up like pregnancy, sharing the bills,
> laziness on her part, bad cooking, alcohol, smoking, you're the bread
> winner, and she doesn't want to work, or won't look for work, and what if
> you only have one computer and she wants to go on it for hours on end, gonna
> let her?
>
> There are many many more.
I'm not sure I get what your point is.
> <Sigh> Will you just give over?? Just do it. I bet you'll thank me in a
> years time. What do you think it will be like? Hell? No, it won't be, but in
> all honesty mate, if you can't do it now at your age, then how in hell will
> you do it when you meet someone??
Like I said, I figured I'd get a job that pays real money, and then move
out. That way I might stand a chance.
I do want to leave, but I do *not* want to leave, end up completely
bankrupt, and be forced to crawl back again. I'd never hear the end of it...
>> FWIW, I did actually get as far as talking to a finance advisor about
>> this. The conclusion was that actually... no, I can't afford it,
>> realistically.
>
> You went to an advisor to work that out?? You couldn't do it yourself?
Is there something *wrong* with asking an expert rather than relying on
your own judgement? (And you'd think it would be in the expert's best
interests to say "yes" if at all feasible... But that's not what he said.)
> What is it that you *expect* when you want to rent somewhere? An exclusive
> pad with a jacuzzi? No, for your first place, expect a small room somewhere
> with the possibility of shared bathroom facilities. That's going to be your
> cheapest place to start.
Certainly I can't afford a palace, and I wasn't expecting to. But when I
looked into it, it seemed there was *nothing* I could actually afford.
That was at the height of the housing boom. Maybe the credit crunch will
force prices out of lah-lah land and back into the real world?
>> Have you *met* my mum?? Unless I move to, say, THE MOON, she is still
>> going to control my life. Nobody can escape her... >_<
>
> Tell her to keep her nose out of your business. She IS a big part of
> your problem. It's almost like she doesn't want to be alone.
In fairness, I think my mum is a big part of *everybody's* problems.
>> Or, better yet, find a job somewhere nicer, that pays *actual money*, and
>> then move there?
>
> You getting another job and actually doing some work for a change is a
> whole new issue.
You telling me I'm lazy now?
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