On 15/02/2015 12:26 PM, Thomas de Groot wrote:

> I am not a computer professional so that world is indeed foreign to me,
> but what you and Stephen are saying truly appals me... But then I may be
> from an alien planet: I have never been /really/ interested in money... :-)

There is something deeply worrying about... OK, so let's try this. Come 
on this journey with me.

You see a job advert for an English / French translator. The advert says 
there will be a test during the interview. You don't know a single word 
of French, but you think to yourself "bah, nobody will notice. I'll just 
Google search of the words when I need to. It'll be fine."

WHAT. THE. HELL.

I'm sorry, IN WHICH UNIVERSE IS NOBODY GOING TO NOTICE?! What the HELL 
are you smoking?!!

Nobody thinks this will work. Nobody ever tries this. Because nobody is 
that stupid. But replace being able to write French with being able to 
write C#, and suddenly everybody thinks that somehow "nobody will 
notice". Wuh?!

I went to one interview where there was an SQL test. The job advert says 
that SQL knowledge is required. The job advert says there will be a 
test. There is no time limit on the test. The test is OPEN BOOK; you 
have access to the Microsoft SQL Server help file [but not the 
Internet]. You have a computer in front of you to test your answers with.

According to the interviewer, people turned up with "20 years' SQL 
experience" and failed to answer a single question.

That was the moment when I realised something: People LIE on their CV.

I mean, sure, I know people *exaggerate* their capabilities. But this 
revelation left me stunned. Anybody who claims to have "20 years' SQL 
experience" and yet cannot figure out how to select all customers from 
the customer table is LYING. This is not an exaggeration for dramatic 
effect, this is outright FRAUD. Strictly speaking, this is ILLEGAL.

I used to be worried about overstating my abilities on my CV, lest I 
give people the impression that I have capabilities that I don't. Now I 
only worry about how to tell people that I'm not just MAKING CRAP UP! 
Some people's CVs clearly have no connection to reality. How do you 
prove to people trying to hire you that you're not just talking nonsense?

Also: FizzBuzz exists. Because, from what I've seen, 99% of all the 
people you interview have NO IDEA how to write software. I don't mean 
they're not very good at it, I mean... Imagine hiring a lorry driver, 
and finding out he doesn't know which pedal is the brake and which one 
is the accelerator. This person CLEARLY has never sat behind the 
controls of a vehicle - no matter WHAT his CV claims.

We started doing phone screenings rather than waste our time with 
hopeless people. We find a website where you can watch the other person 
type, in real-time, as they type it. Almost everybody who reaches this 
stage doesn't get to have a face-to-face interview. A few people got 
creative though:

* While talking to one guy, we could *clearly* hear somebody else 
sitting next to him telling him what to type. Er, REJECT!

* Another guy, we asked him to write some code. We can hear typey typey 
typey. Er, can you type into the window please? Typey, typey, typey, 
BAM! Suddenly a huge block of text appears all at once. In other 
words... you just Googled the answer and copy-pasted it, didn't you? REJECT!

Seriously, how the **** do people think we're not gonna notice this 
stuff? Let us suppose, for argument's sake, that you somehow trick us 
into interviewing you... Do you REALLY THINK it won't instantly become 
EXTREMELY OBVIOUS that you're bluffing? How do you actually see this 
playing out? Are you mental?!

I wonder... Does anybody have this much trouble hiring a carpenter?

>>>>> And I agree with John: you would be an excellent teacher.
>>>>
>>>> Again, I don't know. I'm good at writing long monologues that nobody
>>>> will ever read; interacting with a room full of live humans is quite
>>>> different. It requires a different skill set.
>
> That last is indeed true but can be learned with practice (like
> dancing). Writing skills, which you have already, is more difficult to
> learn.

I guess that just leaves us with the problem of nobody wanting to learn 
then. ;-)

> I must say that I enjoy your long monologues btw.

Oh, well, I'm glad somebody does. Sometimes it does feel like I'm 
talking to myself...

> Seriously, in a good lecture before an audience, some kind of
> choreography (even body language) is of paramount importance. Whatever
> the subject.

I'm sure if I give a lecture while doing the Charleston to some 
authentic music, everybody will remember me. No idea if they'll remember 
a damned thing I said, but... ^_^

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