I don't know where you live, but in general emigrating to Germany or the 
Netherlands should do the trick.
We both have similar long sentences, and in German you have the bonus of 
constructs that consist of a verb and another word. This allows you to 
use that word, which might not be the one the audience expects, and then 
5 minutes later finish off your sentence with the right verb.
When done expertly it can make boring speeches into a spectator sport.


On 1-8-2012 8:39, waggy wrote:
> Well, I defended my thesis the other day and learned that my professors all
> despise my writing style. One committee member advised me to reorganize and
> rewrite the entire thing, with these specific instructions, "All your sentences
> should be subject-verb-object and no more than three lines long."
>
> After I calmed down I thought about how to go about doing this. I can do shorter
> sentences averaging around two dozen words each. Heck, while chopping it up I
> can probably work in some Dr. Seuss rhythms, and maybe even a limerick or two
> (because I tend to be perverse like that). But the other requirement seems more
> bothersome. This simple sentence structure is what, maybe third grade  level?
>
> I don't know anything about kids, so I looked it up, and quickly found a K-12
> guide to writing level expectations. Children are expected to use more than one
> type of sentence structure in their written work by the end of second grade. I'm
> supposed to rewrite my master's thesis as if I'm seven years old.
>
> Wow.
>
> A student learned that at his school
> He should write like a blathering fool
> Only subject-verb-noun
> Like some brain-damaged clown
> or a JavaScript markov-chain tool
>


-- 
Women are the canaries of science. When they are underrepresented
it is a strong indication that non-scientific factors play a role
and the concentration of incorruptible scientists is also too low

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