> Hi(gh)!
>
> On 05.12.2011 00:25, stbenge wrote:
>
>> Sorry to hear that. I too suffer from a mental disorder, though for me
>> it's an emotional imbalance that makes regular work and extended periods
>> of social activity impossible.
>
> Similar with me... with a strong depressive (not major depression) and
> OCD component during the last years, probably arising from the my
> increasing realization of the wide gap between my ambitions (also when
> it comes to raytracing!) and my real abilities, thus reducing my
> abilities furthermore.
>
>> If I had to pick a singular lucrative
>> occupation, it would be mining minerals in small claims. Nobody out
>> there to bug me, no deadlines (except those I would impose upon myself)
>> to make me go crazy :)

Yes, guys, I am sorry to hear that too. Western modern society is 
unfortunately not either the best place to be when suffering from this 
as it drives to exclusion. Yadgar, there always *is* a wide gap between 
dreams/ambitions and the crude fact that not everything is possible, 
whatever the cause. My way to cope with this is to start small and build 
steadily. I have known deep frustration when trying to do otherwise and 
failing consequently. Keep the dream and ambition however, because they 
are the driving forces, the incentives, behind your endeavours. I really 
believe that you are doing well with your POV-Ray projects, but small 
sub-projects are easier to manage and, in the end, combine into the 
dream project you are after.

>
> Currently, I feel not able to work at all... at 42 (and almost 280 lbs),
> it feels like sitting in my wohnklo (a German slang word for a small
> apartment) and waiting for death, with nothing to expect from life
> anymore... I realize that with this condition (and being out of the
> world of labour so long, and even that was only a part-time job back
> then) I'll never anymore will have the chance of earning a living on my
> own (unless I break a lotto jackpot)! Bye-bye, cycling to Afghanistan,
> bye-bye musical career as a synthesizer whizkid (the Larry Fast/Vangelis
> of the 21st century or so... I would have had to start it seriously at
> least 20 years ago!), bye-bye, PoVEarth, PoVSolar, Khyberspace and
> Ilthanalg, not to mention my long-cherished pipe dream of a
> feature-length animation of Robert L. Forward's hard sci-fi novel
> "Dragon's Egg" (o.k., this is MUCH too much for a single human being!)...
>
I think that still a lot is possible from this list, only waiting for a 
bit of determination: music, animation, POV... keep it small. 
Paraphrasing the I Ching one could say that greatness is in the small 
things. Sam Benge is for me the typical example of this procedure, even 
if he feels frustrated sometimes of not achieving larger things ;-) but 
he is the greatest among us when it comes to work out details. Keep the 
dreams but work dedicatedly on the little slivers that come to you. It 
is a slow and winding track but just keep going. And no, I do not forget 
that what I write here, can be an uphill battle for somebody suffering 
from depression.

Thomas

PS sorry for being OT

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