should seriously seek more professional help. We all here can certainly 
try to make you see the bright side of life, and we shall, but that is 
not enough. You may need a little extra support. Whatever you may think, 
keep faith in yourself. Something I can advise in the mean time from 
experience, shut down you PC, forget POV-Ray for a while, take your bike 
(if you have one, else put on good walking shoes) and make big tours, 
without exerting yourself unnecessarily, but putting on a good effort. 
Do that for a week. And think of nothing else, least about yourself. Not 
a cure, but a balm.

Thomas

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