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"Tony[B]" <ben### [at] catholic org> wrote in message news:3b1d7978@news.povray.org...
> > I'm sorry, but the phrase "inept guards from Star Wars" is a vague
> > term, as all guards from Star Wars are inept.
>
> That's why I clarified "reflective and shiny plastic". You know the
> white-armored guards from A New Hope? That texture.
Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all
sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I've read
about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end.
I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad
scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every
single time. Therefore, if I ever happen to become an Evil Overlord:
My legions of terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not
face-concealing ones.
I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my
organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point
it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some
random underling.
If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the
beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented
position.
My legions of terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to
hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to
treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of
at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously
while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup,
instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing
around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will
be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."
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