On Fri, 16 May 2008 18:49:43 -0500, Mueen Nawaz wrote:

> 	I'd just say that's fairly judgmental. I knew a Turkish person 
who came
> and spent time in the US. He would frequent the church and play a lot
> with the kids there. At some point he was simply told he was unwelcome.
> His behavior with the kids was "alarming" for them and they were worried
> he was/would be a child molester. Of course, his behavior was "standard"
> where he came from.
> 
> 	These things just aren't as obvious as they seem.

Well, in the instance I outlined, it's a family that we had interacted 
with on a more or less daily basis.

And of course it is/was fairly judgmental - he's not a kid that we only 
saw occasionally - he was at our house nearly every day at lunchtime 
(living a couple doors down from the school - a private school - afforded 
that opportunity).

Jim

Post a reply to this message

Jim Henderson wrote:
> Well, in the instance I outlined, it's a family that we had interacted 
> with on a more or less daily basis.
> 
> And of course it is/was fairly judgmental - he's not a kid that we only 
> saw occasionally - he was at our house nearly every day at lunchtime 
> (living a couple doors down from the school - a private school - afforded 
> that opportunity).

	I didn't mean that you didn't know their ways. I meant that they
perhaps have different views on parenting than you do. At some level you
can be judgmental about it - we all are. Thinking about bitchslapping
someone is at a different level.

-- 
It is kisstomary to cuss the bride.


                    /\  /\               /\  /
                   /  \/  \ u e e n     /  \/  a w a z
                       >>>>>>mue### [at] nawazorg<<<<<<
                                   anl

Post a reply to this message

On Fri, 16 May 2008 21:10:21 -0500, Mueen Nawaz wrote:

> 	I didn't mean that you didn't know their ways. I meant that they
> perhaps have different views on parenting than you do. At some level you
> can be judgmental about it - we all are. Thinking about bitchslapping
> someone is at a different level.

Yes, well, we knew that their views on parenting were to *not* parent.  
Immaculate house, we'll pick the kids up when we damned well feel like 
it.  It's the typical "yuppies must have kids as fashion accessories and 
forget that they're real people too" attitude that's not uncommon in this 
part of the country.

At some level, you're being awfully judgmental about something I 
mentioned without a full context.  Why is that, I wonder? ;-)

Jim

Post a reply to this message

Jim Henderson wrote:
> At some level, you're being awfully judgmental about something I 
> mentioned without a full context.  Why is that, I wonder? ;-)

	Wanted you to think about how it feels...

-- 
No, Taco Bell is NOT the Mexican Phone Company!


                    /\  /\               /\  /
                   /  \/  \ u e e n     /  \/  a w a z
                       >>>>>>mue### [at] nawazorg<<<<<<
                                   anl

Post a reply to this message

Jim Henderson wrote:

> My wife wanted to bitch-slap her for that....How can you not hug your own 
> kid?

Ask my mum.

Post a reply to this message

On Sat, 17 May 2008 10:17:58 +0200, andrel wrote:

> Jim Henderson wrote:
> 
>> My wife wanted to bitch-slap her for that....How can you not hug your
>> own kid?
> 
> Ask my mum.

:-(

Jim

Post a reply to this message

On Sat, 17 May 2008 00:58:27 -0500, Mueen Nawaz wrote:

> Jim Henderson wrote:
>> At some level, you're being awfully judgmental about something I
>> mentioned without a full context.  Why is that, I wonder? ;-)
> 
> 	Wanted you to think about how it feels...

Ah, well, when I want someone to give me an object lesson, I'll ask for 
it.  I think I know a damned sight more about Ken's friend's family 
situation than you do.

Jim

Post a reply to this message

Jim Henderson wrote:
> Ah, well, when I want someone to give me an object lesson, I'll ask for 
> it.  I think I know a damned sight more about Ken's friend's family 
> situation than you do.

	Out of curiosity, did your wife feel that way only with regards to his
mother, or towards both of his parents (regarding not hugging...)?

-- 
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?


                    /\  /\               /\  /
                   /  \/  \ u e e n     /  \/  a w a z
                       >>>>>>mue### [at] nawazorg<<<<<<
                                   anl

Post a reply to this message

On Sat, 17 May 2008 21:55:13 -0500, Mueen Nawaz wrote:

> Jim Henderson wrote:
>> Ah, well, when I want someone to give me an object lesson, I'll ask for
>> it.  I think I know a damned sight more about Ken's friend's family
>> situation than you do.
> 
> 	Out of curiosity, did your wife feel that way only with regards 
to his
> mother, or towards both of his parents (regarding not hugging...)?

As I recall (and it has been a while), what the friend said was 
specifically about his mother, not about his father.  How demonstrative 
his father was I could only guess at (our larger experience was with his 
mother, as she's the one who drove him to school every day).

It did (and does) just completely boggle my mind as to how a parent could 
think that not being demonstrative of their love for their child was a 
good thing.  In S's behaviour, it was pretty easy to see that his parents 
placed very little in the way of limits on him, and after seeing how his 
mother treated him (in particular), it seemed that it wasn't something 
that was specific to him (his brothers were treated similarly) nor was it 
that they felt the kids "needed" their freedom/privacy, but rather that 
they were just inattentive to the kids' needs.  The father is a scientist 
and spends a lot of time out of the home as a result of his work.  The 
family was set up pretty much as "father = breadwinner, mom = stay at 
home and raise the kids", except that mom was never around either because 
of her social life - that was pretty clearly always her priority, and 
anything the kids needed was pretty much an afterthought.

Like I said, kids as fashion accessories.

Sorry if I sounded a bit aggressive the last time around - I generally 
don't take kindly to people questioning my wife's judgment.  She's a very 
good judge of character, and for her to get to that point with someone is 
not something that happens at a whim.  $DEITY help me if I ever get on 
her bad side, though....

Jim

Post a reply to this message

Jim Henderson wrote:
> Sorry if I sounded a bit aggressive the last time around - I generally 
> don't take kindly to people questioning my wife's judgment.  She's a very 

	No apologies needed. I didn't know the situation, and I still don't. ;-)


-- 
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?


                     /\  /\               /\  /
                    /  \/  \ u e e n     /  \/  a w a z
                        >>>>>>mue### [at] nawazorg<<<<<<
                                    anl

Post a reply to this message