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On Sat, 17 May 2008 21:55:13 -0500, Mueen Nawaz wrote:
> Jim Henderson wrote:
>> Ah, well, when I want someone to give me an object lesson, I'll ask for
>> it. I think I know a damned sight more about Ken's friend's family
>> situation than you do.
>
> Out of curiosity, did your wife feel that way only with regards
to his
> mother, or towards both of his parents (regarding not hugging...)?
As I recall (and it has been a while), what the friend said was
specifically about his mother, not about his father. How demonstrative
his father was I could only guess at (our larger experience was with his
mother, as she's the one who drove him to school every day).
It did (and does) just completely boggle my mind as to how a parent could
think that not being demonstrative of their love for their child was a
good thing. In S's behaviour, it was pretty easy to see that his parents
placed very little in the way of limits on him, and after seeing how his
mother treated him (in particular), it seemed that it wasn't something
that was specific to him (his brothers were treated similarly) nor was it
that they felt the kids "needed" their freedom/privacy, but rather that
they were just inattentive to the kids' needs. The father is a scientist
and spends a lot of time out of the home as a result of his work. The
family was set up pretty much as "father = breadwinner, mom = stay at
home and raise the kids", except that mom was never around either because
of her social life - that was pretty clearly always her priority, and
anything the kids needed was pretty much an afterthought.
Like I said, kids as fashion accessories.
Sorry if I sounded a bit aggressive the last time around - I generally
don't take kindly to people questioning my wife's judgment. She's a very
good judge of character, and for her to get to that point with someone is
not something that happens at a whim. $DEITY help me if I ever get on
her bad side, though....
Jim
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