"Invisible" <voi### [at] devnull> wrote in message 
news:48a17395$1@news.povray.org...

> Hmm. No offence, but... There are many, many things wrong in my life. 
> However, at least I can say I'm not heading for nearly as much trouble as 
> this individual seems to be heading for.

   None taken. I don't think you're heading for any trouble, you're a 
well-adjusted guy, and you're old enough to know what you want out of life.

     I think the only thing that you lack in is self confidence, which will 
come when you're ready.

       ~Steve~




>
> -- 
> http://blog.orphi.me.uk/
> http://www.zazzle.com/MathematicalOrchid*

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>> Hmm. No offence, but... There are many, many things wrong in my life. 
>> However, at least I can say I'm not heading for nearly as much trouble as 
>> this individual seems to be heading for.
> 
>    None taken.

Well, I think you realise I wasn't trying to say "man, your kid sux!"

> I don't think you're heading for any trouble, you're a 
> well-adjusted guy, and you're old enough to know what you want out of life.
> 
>      I think the only thing that you lack in is self confidence, which will 
> come when you're ready.

If I was well-adjusted I wouldn't fear walking down the street in broad 
daylight because I don't want people to beat me up...

I think I'd be far more well-adjusted if I had friends. As in, people, 
in the real world, that I can hang out with all the time. I "know of" 
all these people across the face of the Internet that I sometimes talk 
to, and even a few people that I occasionally visit, but 98% of my life 
still involves being sat all alone, by myself. I have yet to find anyone 
who I can actually visit with any great frequency. :-(

As for self-confidence... yeah, imagine what would be possible if I were 
ever to possess such a quality. ;-)

-- 
http://blog.orphi.me.uk/
http://www.zazzle.com/MathematicalOrchid*

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St. wrote:
> "Invisible" <voi### [at] devnull> wrote in message 
> news:48a147e9$1@news.povray.org...
>> I still have so much to look forward to in life. :-/
> 
>     Mate, you don't know the half of it. To me, you are so lucky, you should 
> be smiling all day long. When I say lucky, I mean that you have the chance 
> to meet a nice, sensible lady, and not some immature bimbo that just wants 
> to notch up another score on her bed post or get into half of your salary. 
> Trust me, when you meet that nice lady, you'll know it.
> 
>       ~Steve~

Reading what you wrote I was at a loss for words. I suppose you could 
execute the "My house, My rules" clause, seeing as he is a legal adult. 
If he doesn't like your rules, then he's free to do as he pleases, just 
not under your roof.

What you wrote did send a shiver of terror down my spine though, that my 
son, for all the potential he has could eventually wind up doing the 
same. I'll be sure to cherish every moment while he's still young enough 
to think the world of his mom and dad. :)

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St. wrote:

> me, he thinks he's invincible. He's been pumping weights for the last four 
> years pretty much constantly, 

Takes focus.



(I've even found steroids in his room), but

Did you talk to him about that?

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"Mike Raiford" <mra### [at] hotmailcom> wrote in message 
news:48a198f5@news.povray.org...
> Reading what you wrote I was at a loss for words. I suppose you could 
> execute the "My house, My rules" clause, seeing as he is a legal adult. If 
> he doesn't like your rules, then he's free to do as he pleases, just not 
> under your roof.

the "My House" clause does work if you execute it with a velvet hammer. My 
son had pissed away his last two years of high school and landed in the 
"last chance" school out in California. Whooping it up with his buddies .... 
pretty typical time wasting teenage activities (hey I was pretty wild 
myself). His mom and I had been divorced for over 10 years when he got a new 
step dad that couldn't be bothered. I moved to Canada and soon with my 
influence a continent away the troubles started. It got to a point that he 
went missing for almost a week, and I stepped in a worked a plan with his 
mom to get him away from there. It took tricking him to get him here (that's 
a whole other story with a cool "ha-ha" ending) .... boy was he an unhappy 
camper. I home schooled him through two years of math (11 & 12) and 12th 
grade physics. Got him into a jet engine mechanic program and now he's 
working this tail off, and getting a taste of what it's like to keep a 
household (pay bills, laundry, what he can and can't afford). I guess what 
I'm trying to say is that kids headed for trouble don't always end up there 
.... take heart Steve if you thought you did a good job you probably did. 
Raising my son was the hardest thing I ever did .... and hey there's no 
users manual.

Jim

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Jim Holsenback wrote:

> .... take heart Steve if you thought you did a good job you probably did. 
> Raising my son was the hardest thing I ever did .... and hey there's no 
> users manual.

User's manual? Hell, there isn't even a manpage entry!! o_O

-- 
http://blog.orphi.me.uk/
http://www.zazzle.com/MathematicalOrchid*

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Invisible wrote:

> User's manual? Hell, there isn't even a manpage entry!! o_O

...I just realised exactly how geeky that sounded.

-- 
http://blog.orphi.me.uk/
http://www.zazzle.com/MathematicalOrchid*

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On Tue, 12 Aug 2008 11:31:25 +0100, Invisible wrote:

>>      It's not until they decide that they've grown up enough to handle
>> 'life' and want to do their 'own thing'. Problem is, they soon come
>> back when in trouble, (and they will be), but then it's too late, the
>> damage has been done.
> 
> If I ever had children, I would try to be the best possible parent. But
> I would do it with the certainty that I'm doing it all completely wrong,
> and I have ruined my child's life as a result. I'm not sure I could live
> with that kind of guilt.

None of us gets an instruction manual on how to be a parent.  All kids 
are different, so there isn't a "this way works best for everyone".  If 
you do the best you can, that's all anyone can ask (about anything, not 
just parenting) - those that do, well, they can go f--- themselves.

> Being a parent just seems like an impossible task. If you're too strict,
> they grow up with no self-confidence. If you're not strict enough, they
> grow up as out-of-control runaways. If you restrict them too much, they
> won't learn independence. If you don't restrict them enough, they'll be
> spoilt brats. Every time anything bad happens to them, you have the
> pleasure of knowing it's probably your fault. You get to waste endless
> hours worrying about them.

I started parenting with my stepson when he was 9.  I missed all the 
diapers and sleepless nights with an infant, but I think that makes it 
harder rather than easier.  I still don't feel I did a good job, even 
though Ken identifies me as his "assistant dad" (though his biological 
father was largely out of the picture until he turned 18).

The thing about the choices you list above (being too strict/not strict 
enough) is that it varies depending on situation and the kid's age.  
Telling Ken he couldn't have some ice cream until after he finished his 
dinner was fine when he was 11.  When he was 17, not so much so, because 
he'd grown in his independence and his ability to make sound decisions.

He recently had a problem at work (he works at a hostel doing scheduling 
stuff) and is afraid that job is now over after only a week because he 
made a mistake.  Does this reflect on me?  Not really.  Does it reflect 
on an employer having unrealistic expectations of someone who's been on 
the job a week?  You're damned right it does.

Does that mean I don't worry about him?  No.  That's part of the job of 
being a parent:  being concerned for your child's well-being.  Being 
there for them to support them when things aren't going so well.

> And at the end of it all, you get your reward: We don't need you. You
> were a rubbish dad anyway. Goodbye.
> 
> Like I said, a stressful and thankless task. :-(

Not at all.  Ken turns 21 in a few weeks; he still lives at home (he's at 
the local university when school's in session), and when I'm working from 
home, he frequently comes by and gives me a hug for no reason; he still 
comes in and kisses us goodnight before going to bed.

Jim

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On Tue, 12 Aug 2008 12:27:17 +0100, Invisible wrote:

> As for life... well, a couple of street traders conned us out of about
> £60 with their impossible skittles game. It looks easy, but it's
> actually impossible. But they keep ranking up the prizes (and costs). We
> quit that one fairly fast though, so only £60 lost between us.

You do realise that in games of chance - gambling of pretty much any kind 
- the odds are rigged so that the house isn't going to lose?

It's *always* supposed to look easy to win, that's how you sucker people 
into playing.

Jim

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>> As for life... well, a couple of street traders conned us out of about
>> £60 with their impossible skittles game. It looks easy, but it's
>> actually impossible. But they keep ranking up the prizes (and costs). We
>> quit that one fairly fast though, so only £60 lost between us.
> 
> You do realise that in games of chance - gambling of pretty much any kind 
> - the odds are rigged so that the house isn't going to lose?
> 
> It's *always* supposed to look easy to win, that's how you sucker people 
> into playing.

Yeah, well, when you see two random guys in jeans standing on the curb 
wanting you to play a little game for a few quid, you don't think too 
much of it.

Clearly these guys are good. ;-)

-- 
http://blog.orphi.me.uk/
http://www.zazzle.com/MathematicalOrchid*

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