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Dead Reflective Sphere Sketch
The cast:
MR. PRALINE
SHOP OWNER
The sketch:
A customer enters a render shop.
Mr. Praline: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The owner does not respond.)
Mr. Praline: 'Ello, Miss?
Owner: What do you mean "miss"?
Mr. Praline: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
Owner: We're closin' for render.
Mr. Praline: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this
reflective sphere
-shows a picture-
whose code I purchased not half an hour ago from this very site.
Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Reflective Blue Sphere on a Checkered
Plane...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
Mr. Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's frozen,
that's what's wrong with it!
Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's parsing.
Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a hanged reflective sphere when I see
one, and I'm looking at one right now.
Owner: No no he's not hanged, he's, he's parsin'! Remarkable shape, the
Reflective Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful texture!
Mr. Praline: The texture don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's parsing!
Mr. Praline: All right then, if he's parsin', I'll wake him up!
-shouting on his notebook-
'Ello, Mister Reflective Sphere! I've got a lovely checkered plane
for you if you show...
(owner puts quickly a printed paper showing a reflective sphere over the
monitor)
Owner: There, he moved!
Mr. Praline: No, he didn't, that was you with this stupid ruse!
Owner: I never!!
Mr. Praline: Yes, you did!
Owner: I never, never did anything...
Mr. Praline: (yelling and hitting the keyboard repeatedly)
'ELLO BALLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your
nine o'clock alarm call!
(Takes notebook's keyboard out and thumps its on the counter.
Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
Mr. Praline: Now that's what I call a dead reflective sphere.
Owner: No, no.....No, 'e's partially blinded by the photons!
Mr. Praline: blinded?!?
Owner: Yeah! You blinded him, just as he was wakin' up the parsing
time! Blue Reflective Spheres blinds easily, major.
Mr. Praline: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough
of this. That sphere is definitely deceased, and when I purchased this
code not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of
rendering was due to it bein' parsing and shagged out following a
prolonged squawk.
Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably allocating more memory
Mr. Praline: ALLOCATING MORE MEMORY?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?,
look, why did he fall to 0 pph the moment I got render 'im at home?
Owner: The Reflective Blue Sphere prefers keepin' render slowly!
Remarkable shape, id'nit, squire? Lovely texture!
Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that code when I got
it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on
its file in the first place was that it had been cutted and PASTED on an
existing file.
(pause)
Owner: Well, o'course it was PASTED there! If I hadn't PASTED that code
down, it would have nuzzled up to this tft monitor, bent 'em apart with
its phong highlights, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this shape wouldn't "voom" if you put four
million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
Owner: No no! 'E's parsin!
Mr. Praline: 'E's not parsin'! 'E's passed on! This shape is no more!
He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet Dave K. Buck! 'E's a
stiff! Bereft of cpu cycles, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't past'im
to the html help moray's files 'e'd be pushing up the screensavers!
'Is digital processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked
the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and
joined the bleedin' choir invisible!!
THIS IS AN EX-REFLECTIVE SPHERE ON A CHECKERED PLANE!!
(pause)
Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind
the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop,
and uh, we're right out of reflective spheres.
Mr. Praline: I see. I see, I get the picture.
Owner: I got a teapot.
(pause)
Mr. Praline: Pray, does it reflect the plane under it?
Owner: Nnnnot really.
Mr. Praline: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
Owner: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)
Mr. Praline: Well.
(pause)
Owner: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my website?
Mr. Praline: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.
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p} /* B Gimeno estoeslarealidad */ rotate p*90 } #end difference
{box {-1,1} C(z /* http://usuarios.lycos.es/game2413 */,x)C(x,y)
C(z,z) pigment{rgb 2} rotate 45 translate z*4} // www.povray.org
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