On Monday, something strange happened. First, out of nowhere I got a 
call from somebody who had seen my CV on Monster. [Usually CVs are 
listed by date, so when you first upload one you get a flood of 
enquiries which then gradually tails off. Indeed, Monster recommend you 
periodically updating your CV to push it back to the top of the list! 
Mine hasn't been touched for months now...]

Even more unusually, the job he was talking about looked interesting. He 
sent me an email with the spec, I read it and replied back "yes please". 
And, as is customary, I never heard anything further. Oh well, I guess 
that's the end of that one then. :-P

By a surprising coincidence, on the exact same day, my dad noticed an 
advert in the local paper. Now this looks really, really promising. 
Unfortunately, despite repeated phone calls to the number indicated in 
the advert, I have yet to get anybody to answer the phone.

That being the case, I am currently filling out the application form 
that I managed to obtain from their website. I'm rather concious of the 
fact that I got this ad on Monday, and it's now Wednesday, and time is 
slipping away. The closing date isn't for a week or two yet, but that's 
not the point; if you're not the fifth or sixth person to reply, you 
essentially have no chance of your application even being read.

There are a number of problems, of course. They demand 3 references. Not 
one, not two, but three. The first one is required to be from your 
current employer; OK, that's easy. The other two... uh, yeah. 
Unfortunately nobody else actually knows me in a professional capacity. 
I mean, I could give them my dad, my girlfriend or my little sister, but 
that's not particularly relevant.

And then we come to my favourite section: "Please briefly describe your 
current position, or anything else that you believe is relevant. Please 
provide details and evidence of how you fit the job requirements."

So here's a question: How do you make yourself sound like a god without 
sounding like you're just wildly exaggerating the truth?

I mean let's face it, I *am* kinda special. I have no formal 
mathematical training, and yet I can hold a conversation about 
polynomial functions, complex arithmetic, vector and matrix algebra, 
differential and integral calculus, statistics, group theory, knot 
theory, graph theory, and so forth.

I have no formal training in computer science. (Don't let the title of 
my degree fool you - it's IT, not CS.) And in spite of that, I can 
happily chatter on about Turing machines, the lambda calculus, sorting 
and searching algorithms, complexity classes, parallel and concurrent 
processing, and on to more pointy things like artificial intelligence, 
digital signal processing, data compression, cryptology ( = cryptography 
+ cryptanalysis), digital circuit design, 3D computer graphics, and so 
forth.

I started programming computers when I was just 9 years old. Since then 
I have written *working* programs in BASIC, assembly language, machine 
code (!), C, Pascal, Java, JavaScript, C++, Eiffel, Smalltalk, Prolog, 
Haskell, Tcl and more, not even counting things like PostScript, SQL, 
XSLT, SVG, TeX, Makefiles and things that veer off into not being 
"programming languages". (Note also how we've got wildly different 
categories of language in there - machine-oriented, structured, 
object-oriented, imperative, functional, logical, relational...)

Working programs I've written have included all sorts of graphical 
things like fractal generators, mesh renderers, ray tracers and various 
function plotters. I've built sound synthesizers and particle 
simulations. I've written programs that implement data structures, 
compression algorithms and ciphers. I've built demonstrations for these, 
sometimes using the most unlikely techniques. (Interactive data 
compression using Huffman encoding implemented with JavaScript and DOM 
manipulations of XHTML, anyone?)

OK, so there's 4 thick, chunky paragraphs explaining just what a bad-ass 
I am. Are prospective employers going to care? Not really, no.

Hmm, writing applications is hard. >_<

Post a reply to this message

> So here's a question: How do you make yourself sound like a god without
> sounding like you're just wildly exaggerating the truth?
>

Be positive about what you know and can do, but don't overdo it.  A wise 
man once said: "experience is like strawberry jam, the less you have the 
more you try to spread it!"  Overstating some of your experience or 
knowledge might bamboozle the HR girl who is only looking for buzzwords 
in the cv to see if you're an IMS/CICS host programmer, a web designer 
or a Windows admin, but the hiring manager should be able to see if you 
are BSing.

> I mean let's face it, I *am* kinda special. I have no formal
> mathematical training, and yet I can hold a conversation about
> polynomial functions, complex arithmetic, vector and matrix algebra,
> differential and integral calculus, statistics, group theory, knot
> theory, graph theory, and so forth.
>
> I have no formal training in computer science. (Don't let the title of
> my degree fool you - it's IT, not CS.) And in spite of that, I can
> happily chatter on about Turing machines, the lambda calculus, sorting
> and searching algorithms, complexity classes, parallel and concurrent
> processing, and on to more pointy things like artificial intelligence,
> digital signal processing, data compression, cryptology ( = cryptography
> + cryptanalysis), digital circuit design, 3D computer graphics, and so
> forth.
>

Use expressions like "self-taught", and "on-the-job training".  DO NOT 
say "no formal training".

> I started programming computers when I was just 9 years old. Since then
> I have written *working* programs in BASIC, assembly language, machine
> code (!), C, Pascal, Java, JavaScript, C++, Eiffel, Smalltalk, Prolog,
> Haskell, Tcl and more, not even counting things like PostScript, SQL,
> XSLT, SVG, TeX, Makefiles and things that veer off into not being
> "programming languages". (Note also how we've got wildly different
> categories of language in there - machine-oriented, structured,
> object-oriented, imperative, functional, logical, relational...)
>

You can list all the languages you know at the end of your CV, and say 
"I have X years of programming experience in a variety of procedural and 
functional languages" or something like that.  DO NOT say you started at 
9, as most people under 30 will have grown up with computers at home and 
employers will know that the nerdy-types were all modding their NESes to 
run Linux by age 12.

> Working programs I've written have included all sorts of graphical
> things like fractal generators, mesh renderers, ray tracers and various
> function plotters. I've built sound synthesizers and particle
> simulations. I've written programs that implement data structures,
> compression algorithms and ciphers. I've built demonstrations for these,
> sometimes using the most unlikely techniques. (Interactive data
> compression using Huffman encoding implemented with JavaScript and DOM
> manipulations of XHTML, anyone?)

Try to list work-related projets first, as those tend to impress 
employers more than hobbies - unless you are the mainainer of a 
very-well known open-source project, on your spare time.  Give one or 
two big examples. If all you did was automated patch-distribution 
scripts for the office network, then say that you wrote tools to help 
streamline various processes pertaining to task X or Y.

>
> OK, so there's 4 thick, chunky paragraphs explaining just what a bad-ass
> I am. Are prospective employers going to care? Not really, no.
>
> Hmm, writing applications is hard. >_<
>


-- 
/*Francois Labreque*/#local a=x+y;#local b=x+a;#local c=a+b;#macro P(F//
/*    flabreque    */L)polygon{5,F,F+z,L+z,L,F pigment{rgb 9}}#end union
/*        @        */{P(0,a)P(a,b)P(b,c)P(2*a,2*b)P(2*b,b+c)P(b+c,<2,3>)
/*   gmail.com     */}camera{orthographic location<6,1.25,-6>look_at a }

Post a reply to this message

On Wed, 27 Oct 2010 11:36:33 +0100, Invisible wrote:

> OK, so there's 4 thick, chunky paragraphs explaining just what a bad-ass
> I am. Are prospective employers going to care? Not really, no.

I'd second what Francois said - positive spin on things like "no formal 
training" is good (ie, "self-taught", which says "self-motivated" to a 
prospective employer).

Also remember that spelling and grammar count.  I learned interview 
techniques from a lawyer, and she pointed out that the way people write 
gives an impression of how they work.  If they're sloppy in their 
writing, chances are good that they're sloppy in their work.

Do they ask for 3 *professional* references, or 3 references?  Some 
companies want more than just professional references because they can 
find out more about a person's character from their friends.  In most 
cases, personal references are not a problem at all.

Good luck!

Jim

Post a reply to this message

On 27-10-2010 17:53, Jim Henderson wrote:
> On Wed, 27 Oct 2010 11:36:33 +0100, Invisible wrote:
>
>> OK, so there's 4 thick, chunky paragraphs explaining just what a bad-ass
>> I am. Are prospective employers going to care? Not really, no.
>
> I'd second what Francois said - positive spin on things like "no formal
> training" is good (ie, "self-taught", which says "self-motivated" to a
> prospective employer).
>
> Also remember that spelling and grammar count.  I learned interview
> techniques from a lawyer, and she pointed out that the way people write
> gives an impression of how they work.  If they're sloppy in their
> writing, chances are good that they're sloppy in their work.
>
> Do they ask for 3 *professional* references, or 3 references?  Some
> companies want more than just professional references because they can
> find out more about a person's character from their friends.  In most
> cases, personal references are not a problem at all.
>
You mean, like his dance teacher?

Post a reply to this message

On 27/10/2010 4:53 PM, Jim Henderson wrote:
> I'd second what Francois said

I'll third what Jim said and if you want a personal reference, I've met 
you and known you here for years so would be happy to give you a 
personal reference.

-- 

Best Regards,
	Stephen

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On Wed, 27 Oct 2010 21:47:32 +0200, andrel wrote:

> You mean, like his dance teacher?

That would be a good idea, yes. :-)

Jim

Post a reply to this message

>> I'd second what Francois said
>
> I'll third what Jim said and if you want a personal reference, I've met
> you and known you here for years so would be happy to give you a
> personal reference.

Now there's an offer you don't get every day...

-- 
http://blog.orphi.me.uk/
http://www.zazzle.com/MathematicalOrchid*

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On 27/10/2010 10:11 PM, Orchid XP v8 wrote:
>>> I'd second what Francois said
>>
>> I'll third what Jim said and if you want a personal reference, I've met
>> you and known you here for years so would be happy to give you a
>> personal reference.
>
> Now there's an offer you don't get every day...
>

The offer stands and if you want one my email address is in the header.

-- 

Best Regards,
	Stephen

Post a reply to this message

>> You mean, like his dance teacher?
>
> That would be a good idea, yes. :-)

Really? Hmm, I *think* she remembers my name - if only because of Tiger 
Feet. ;-)

Seriously, what kind of thing do companies want to find out from a 
reference anyway? I doubt they're going to care that I've mastered the 
American Spin but I need to work on my Flick-Ball-Change.

Post a reply to this message

On 28/10/2010 9:01 AM, Invisible wrote:
>>> You mean, like his dance teacher?
>>
>> That would be a good idea, yes. :-)
>
> Really? Hmm, I *think* she remembers my name - if only because of Tiger
> Feet. ;-)
>
> Seriously, what kind of thing do companies want to find out from a
> reference anyway? I doubt they're going to care that I've mastered the
> American Spin but I need to work on my Flick-Ball-Change.

They want to know you are who you say that you are and if from a 
previous employer that you are reliable and worthy to be employed by them.

-- 

Best Regards,
	Stephen

Post a reply to this message