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On Monday, something strange happened. First, out of nowhere I got a
call from somebody who had seen my CV on Monster. [Usually CVs are
listed by date, so when you first upload one you get a flood of
enquiries which then gradually tails off. Indeed, Monster recommend you
periodically updating your CV to push it back to the top of the list!
Mine hasn't been touched for months now...]
Even more unusually, the job he was talking about looked interesting. He
sent me an email with the spec, I read it and replied back "yes please".
And, as is customary, I never heard anything further. Oh well, I guess
that's the end of that one then. :-P
By a surprising coincidence, on the exact same day, my dad noticed an
advert in the local paper. Now this looks really, really promising.
Unfortunately, despite repeated phone calls to the number indicated in
the advert, I have yet to get anybody to answer the phone.
That being the case, I am currently filling out the application form
that I managed to obtain from their website. I'm rather concious of the
fact that I got this ad on Monday, and it's now Wednesday, and time is
slipping away. The closing date isn't for a week or two yet, but that's
not the point; if you're not the fifth or sixth person to reply, you
essentially have no chance of your application even being read.
There are a number of problems, of course. They demand 3 references. Not
one, not two, but three. The first one is required to be from your
current employer; OK, that's easy. The other two... uh, yeah.
Unfortunately nobody else actually knows me in a professional capacity.
I mean, I could give them my dad, my girlfriend or my little sister, but
that's not particularly relevant.
And then we come to my favourite section: "Please briefly describe your
current position, or anything else that you believe is relevant. Please
provide details and evidence of how you fit the job requirements."
So here's a question: How do you make yourself sound like a god without
sounding like you're just wildly exaggerating the truth?
I mean let's face it, I *am* kinda special. I have no formal
mathematical training, and yet I can hold a conversation about
polynomial functions, complex arithmetic, vector and matrix algebra,
differential and integral calculus, statistics, group theory, knot
theory, graph theory, and so forth.
I have no formal training in computer science. (Don't let the title of
my degree fool you - it's IT, not CS.) And in spite of that, I can
happily chatter on about Turing machines, the lambda calculus, sorting
and searching algorithms, complexity classes, parallel and concurrent
processing, and on to more pointy things like artificial intelligence,
digital signal processing, data compression, cryptology ( = cryptography
+ cryptanalysis), digital circuit design, 3D computer graphics, and so
forth.
I started programming computers when I was just 9 years old. Since then
I have written *working* programs in BASIC, assembly language, machine
code (!), C, Pascal, Java, JavaScript, C++, Eiffel, Smalltalk, Prolog,
Haskell, Tcl and more, not even counting things like PostScript, SQL,
XSLT, SVG, TeX, Makefiles and things that veer off into not being
"programming languages". (Note also how we've got wildly different
categories of language in there - machine-oriented, structured,
object-oriented, imperative, functional, logical, relational...)
Working programs I've written have included all sorts of graphical
things like fractal generators, mesh renderers, ray tracers and various
function plotters. I've built sound synthesizers and particle
simulations. I've written programs that implement data structures,
compression algorithms and ciphers. I've built demonstrations for these,
sometimes using the most unlikely techniques. (Interactive data
compression using Huffman encoding implemented with JavaScript and DOM
manipulations of XHTML, anyone?)
OK, so there's 4 thick, chunky paragraphs explaining just what a bad-ass
I am. Are prospective employers going to care? Not really, no.
Hmm, writing applications is hard. >_<
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> So here's a question: How do you make yourself sound like a god without
> sounding like you're just wildly exaggerating the truth?
>
Be positive about what you know and can do, but don't overdo it. A wise
man once said: "experience is like strawberry jam, the less you have the
more you try to spread it!" Overstating some of your experience or
knowledge might bamboozle the HR girl who is only looking for buzzwords
in the cv to see if you're an IMS/CICS host programmer, a web designer
or a Windows admin, but the hiring manager should be able to see if you
are BSing.
> I mean let's face it, I *am* kinda special. I have no formal
> mathematical training, and yet I can hold a conversation about
> polynomial functions, complex arithmetic, vector and matrix algebra,
> differential and integral calculus, statistics, group theory, knot
> theory, graph theory, and so forth.
>
> I have no formal training in computer science. (Don't let the title of
> my degree fool you - it's IT, not CS.) And in spite of that, I can
> happily chatter on about Turing machines, the lambda calculus, sorting
> and searching algorithms, complexity classes, parallel and concurrent
> processing, and on to more pointy things like artificial intelligence,
> digital signal processing, data compression, cryptology ( = cryptography
> + cryptanalysis), digital circuit design, 3D computer graphics, and so
> forth.
>
Use expressions like "self-taught", and "on-the-job training". DO NOT
say "no formal training".
> I started programming computers when I was just 9 years old. Since then
> I have written *working* programs in BASIC, assembly language, machine
> code (!), C, Pascal, Java, JavaScript, C++, Eiffel, Smalltalk, Prolog,
> Haskell, Tcl and more, not even counting things like PostScript, SQL,
> XSLT, SVG, TeX, Makefiles and things that veer off into not being
> "programming languages". (Note also how we've got wildly different
> categories of language in there - machine-oriented, structured,
> object-oriented, imperative, functional, logical, relational...)
>
You can list all the languages you know at the end of your CV, and say
"I have X years of programming experience in a variety of procedural and
functional languages" or something like that. DO NOT say you started at
9, as most people under 30 will have grown up with computers at home and
employers will know that the nerdy-types were all modding their NESes to
run Linux by age 12.
> Working programs I've written have included all sorts of graphical
> things like fractal generators, mesh renderers, ray tracers and various
> function plotters. I've built sound synthesizers and particle
> simulations. I've written programs that implement data structures,
> compression algorithms and ciphers. I've built demonstrations for these,
> sometimes using the most unlikely techniques. (Interactive data
> compression using Huffman encoding implemented with JavaScript and DOM
> manipulations of XHTML, anyone?)
Try to list work-related projets first, as those tend to impress
employers more than hobbies - unless you are the mainainer of a
very-well known open-source project, on your spare time. Give one or
two big examples. If all you did was automated patch-distribution
scripts for the office network, then say that you wrote tools to help
streamline various processes pertaining to task X or Y.
>
> OK, so there's 4 thick, chunky paragraphs explaining just what a bad-ass
> I am. Are prospective employers going to care? Not really, no.
>
> Hmm, writing applications is hard. >_<
>
--
/*Francois Labreque*/#local a=x+y;#local b=x+a;#local c=a+b;#macro P(F//
/* flabreque */L)polygon{5,F,F+z,L+z,L,F pigment{rgb 9}}#end union
/* @ */{P(0,a)P(a,b)P(b,c)P(2*a,2*b)P(2*b,b+c)P(b+c,<2,3>)
/* gmail.com */}camera{orthographic location<6,1.25,-6>look_at a }
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On Wed, 27 Oct 2010 11:36:33 +0100, Invisible wrote:
> OK, so there's 4 thick, chunky paragraphs explaining just what a bad-ass
> I am. Are prospective employers going to care? Not really, no.
I'd second what Francois said - positive spin on things like "no formal
training" is good (ie, "self-taught", which says "self-motivated" to a
prospective employer).
Also remember that spelling and grammar count. I learned interview
techniques from a lawyer, and she pointed out that the way people write
gives an impression of how they work. If they're sloppy in their
writing, chances are good that they're sloppy in their work.
Do they ask for 3 *professional* references, or 3 references? Some
companies want more than just professional references because they can
find out more about a person's character from their friends. In most
cases, personal references are not a problem at all.
Good luck!
Jim
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On 27-10-2010 17:53, Jim Henderson wrote:
> On Wed, 27 Oct 2010 11:36:33 +0100, Invisible wrote:
>
>> OK, so there's 4 thick, chunky paragraphs explaining just what a bad-ass
>> I am. Are prospective employers going to care? Not really, no.
>
> I'd second what Francois said - positive spin on things like "no formal
> training" is good (ie, "self-taught", which says "self-motivated" to a
> prospective employer).
>
> Also remember that spelling and grammar count. I learned interview
> techniques from a lawyer, and she pointed out that the way people write
> gives an impression of how they work. If they're sloppy in their
> writing, chances are good that they're sloppy in their work.
>
> Do they ask for 3 *professional* references, or 3 references? Some
> companies want more than just professional references because they can
> find out more about a person's character from their friends. In most
> cases, personal references are not a problem at all.
>
You mean, like his dance teacher?
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On 27/10/2010 4:53 PM, Jim Henderson wrote:
> I'd second what Francois said
I'll third what Jim said and if you want a personal reference, I've met
you and known you here for years so would be happy to give you a
personal reference.
--
Best Regards,
Stephen
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On Wed, 27 Oct 2010 21:47:32 +0200, andrel wrote:
> You mean, like his dance teacher?
That would be a good idea, yes. :-)
Jim
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>> I'd second what Francois said
>
> I'll third what Jim said and if you want a personal reference, I've met
> you and known you here for years so would be happy to give you a
> personal reference.
Now there's an offer you don't get every day...
--
http://blog.orphi.me.uk/
http://www.zazzle.com/MathematicalOrchid*
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On 27/10/2010 10:11 PM, Orchid XP v8 wrote:
>>> I'd second what Francois said
>>
>> I'll third what Jim said and if you want a personal reference, I've met
>> you and known you here for years so would be happy to give you a
>> personal reference.
>
> Now there's an offer you don't get every day...
>
The offer stands and if you want one my email address is in the header.
--
Best Regards,
Stephen
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>> You mean, like his dance teacher?
>
> That would be a good idea, yes. :-)
Really? Hmm, I *think* she remembers my name - if only because of Tiger
Feet. ;-)
Seriously, what kind of thing do companies want to find out from a
reference anyway? I doubt they're going to care that I've mastered the
American Spin but I need to work on my Flick-Ball-Change.
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On 28/10/2010 9:01 AM, Invisible wrote:
>>> You mean, like his dance teacher?
>>
>> That would be a good idea, yes. :-)
>
> Really? Hmm, I *think* she remembers my name - if only because of Tiger
> Feet. ;-)
>
> Seriously, what kind of thing do companies want to find out from a
> reference anyway? I doubt they're going to care that I've mastered the
> American Spin but I need to work on my Flick-Ball-Change.
They want to know you are who you say that you are and if from a
previous employer that you are reliable and worthy to be employed by them.
--
Best Regards,
Stephen
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