>> Why does this never happen to me?
> 
> Totally unrealistic picture. Guy is too slim.
> 
> In my experience, the girth of a person is directly proportional to the 
> number of books he reads. You can either spend your spare time on reading or 
> exercise, but both at the same time does not really work out.

False.

For almost my entire adult life, I spent a huge proportion of my time 
sitting motionless in front of a computer (sometimes to the point that 
my legs actually went numb) and eating nothing but high-calorie junk 
food, and yet maintained a skinny physique.

Some people are just like that.

> Then, the number of young women being attracted to you is inversely 
> proportional to your girth. ;-)

This, however, is true...

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