Warp wrote:

I used to have all those problems too, yah.

>   However, all that is completely different from actually being able to
> socialize and engage in small talk. 

Here's something you may be missing. (I didn't read the whole thread, I 
fear, so this might already have been said.)

Small talk works *way* better when you listen instead of speak. Everyone 
likes to talk about themselves. So until you find common ground, simply ask 
the other person questions about themselves, let them talk about whatever 
they want, and listen for something you can contribute.  Don't be thinking 
about what you're going to *say* next, but instead think about what you're 
going to ask them next.  Of course, once you've talked to the person long 
enough to get past the "I never met you before" stage, it's easier, but you 
want to get past that initial awkwardness of not having anything to talk 
about. But for some it takes a conscious effort to learn to do this.

When you think about it, it's kind of like being a salesman. "Tell me all 
about yourself, and I'll listen until I hear something in common, namely a 
problem you have that our products can cure."

Also, I've found it's amazingly helpful to look people in the eye during a 
conversation. It's something nerds tend not to do. Not only watch the 
person's face, but actually peer directly into one pupil or the other. It's 
a little creepy the first time or two, but it really makes a difference.

>   I wonder if it's the age. Is looking well over 30 some kind of natural
> repellent for people? They are not interested in a mid-aged man as much
> as they are in a younger one?

I think part of it may be that you're getting to the age where most people 
have children, and if you don't have children, there's less to talk about, 
because children pretty much fill up your entire life.

-- 
Darren New, San Diego CA, USA (PST)
   Forget "focus follows mouse." When do
   I get "focus follows gaze"?

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