Jim Henderson <nos### [at] nospamcom> wrote:
> Very much so - I used to have problems like this myself; it is possible 
> to break the cycle, but it's not easy to do.

  As for me, I don't think I'm very shy. Not anymore at least. (Well, it
depends on the definition of "shy", but if we define it as getting nervous
about interacting with people, I don't have a problem with that.)

  In the past I was much shier. I used to hate eg. making telephone calls
to unknown people. Not anymore, as I have got completely over that. Nowadays
I don't have the slightest problem in calling anybody for whatever reason,
especially if it's about something I need (for example calling my ISP to
ask something, or whatever). In fact, rather ironically for a computer nerd
like me, I often even *prefer* calling by phone rather than writing an email
because many things are much faster to resolve by phone because the
necessary conversation can be performed in real-time. (Part of this is that
I have grown tired of people, especially ones working for companies, not
actually reading the email and replying with completely useless generic
answers, often ones which I have already specifically mentioned in the
email; when you actually *tell* the person it's much harder to ignore.)

  Likewise if I need to go in person somewhere, I haven't had a problem with
that in a long time (even though in the past I was shier about it). Eg. if
I have to go to some office or whatever to deal with something in person
(eg. sign papers or whatever), I just go, no problem.

  However, all that is completely different from actually being able to
socialize and engage in small talk. And it's enormously different from
going to an unknown person with no specific reason, just to socialize.
And yes, especially if that other person happens to be female.

  I don't know why, but for some reason it seems that people have stopped
approaching me as well, in social situations. When I was much younger
(early 20's or such) people were much eager to start sporadic small talk
for no specific reason than to socialize. Nowadays that just doesn't happen.
I don't even remember when was the last time that someone wanted to socialize
out of the blue with me in a social situation.

  I wonder if it's the age. Is looking well over 30 some kind of natural
repellent for people? They are not interested in a mid-aged man as much
as they are in a younger one?

  If there is indeed such a psychological phenomenon, it only aggravates
the chronic loneliness problem.

-- 
                                                          - Warp

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