Jim Charter <jrc### [at] msncom> wrote:
> One is deciding when it is valid to view loneliness as an affliction 
> that happens somehow *to* the person and when solitude is actually the 
> preference of the person and the result of their own decisions.  And 
> then how to arrive at a coherent 'view' of the condition that can be 
> shared by the affected person, subjectively, and at the same time by an 
> 'objective' or at least 'outside' observer.

  It is a problem when the afflicted person suffers from the situation
(in other words, the loneliness is not a conscious decision) and feels
that he is unable to fix the problem even though he would want to.

  One reason for the latter may be lack of social skills and experience
at socializing. This can be a self-sustaining problem: Lack of experience
and skills stops the person from getting them through experience because
he is unable to properly socialize, get new acquaintances, and so on.
The person may be unable to reach out to others, and even if sometimes
others reach out to him, he may be unable to reciprocate, and the social
situation might not go anywhere beyond just a short and formal conversation.

  (It often feels like people just give up too easily. Maybe they think
"that guy clearly doesn't want to get involved, I'll just let him be",
even though it might not be anything like that. It's not necessarily that
he wants to be left alone, it may be that he doesn't know how to express
himself in such a social situation, giving the wrong impression that he's
not interested.)

-- 
                                                          - Warp

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