>> She spent about 10 years installing people's telephones, running 
>> telephone cables, diagnosing network faults, etc.
> 
> OK. That would be the monopoly part, yes. :-)
> 
> Maybe look at a construction company who wants someone experienced when 
> wiring up new buildings?

...except that she doesn't do that any more. She ended up in the call 
center because she was getting too old for lugging ladders and stuff 
around in all weather.

>> Now she just works in a call center where people ring her up to whine 
>> about their phone not working and demand that somebody come and fix it 
>> yesterday.
> 
> Huh. It's hard to believe there are performance targets that can't get 
> scammed there, given the number of places you read about (for example) 
> AOL customer service reps just hanging up on customers to keep their 
> call volume high. :-)

Well, this is it. The call handling target *was* 500 seconds per call.

It should be self-evident that this is completely impossible.

- If somebody calls you and spends 25 minutes screaming at you about how 
**** your company is before they will even tell you what they're calling 
about, you cannot complete the call in 500 seconds. [Yes, this is 
apparently a *daily* occurrance. Some people apparently think they're 
important or something.]

- If some little old lady calls you, and you have to repeat yourself six 
times before she even hears what you said properly (never mind 
understands what you're asking), you cannot complete the call in 500 
seconds.

- If you have to transfer the call to another department, and they take 
20 minutes to pick up the phone, you cannot end in the call in 500 seconds.

Would you like me to continue?

Of course, earlier this year the target was suddenly reduced to 450 
seconds. And then 420 seconds. And then 390 seconds. And now it stands 
at 360 seconds. It's "always" been 500 seconds, but now suddenly the 
keep reducing it every few months. Oh, you're still expected to do the 
same *work*, just faster.

(I could give you a long list of things you're supposed to do. You're 
supposed to start with a standard greeting. You're supposed to collect 
certain data to verify you're speaking to the authorised account holder. 
If you send an engineer, you're supposed to warn the customer that they 
may be charged. At the end of the call you're supposed to repeat the 
agreed actions. And so on and so forth. In 360 seconds...)

You're also not supposed to hang up. And you're not supposed to 
interrupt the customer, under any circumstances. (Great when they spent 
25 minutes telling you that they consider members of the phylum 
Platyhelminthes to be of greatly superior evolutionary development to 
yourself...)

Apparently the only people more unreasonably than the company is the 
customers. Like the people running a business from their house. Phone 
stops working, they want 4-hour turnaround fixing it, or else £1,000 per 
hour for every hour they're out of service, because that's how much 
money they claim to be losing by not having a phone. But, obviously, 
these people are paying residential phone rates....... Um, yeah, nice try.

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