Stephen wrote:

> Orchid XP v8 wrote:
>>>> True. I've always though being some kind of doctor must be the worst
>>>> job ever.
>>>
>>> But the benefits, knowing that you have helped others, saved lives and
>>> made lives more bearable. Not to mention the money :)
>> 
>> I don't know, man. One failure is like a billion too many...
>> 
> 
> So what part of Utopia do you come from?

Exactly. Utopia = nowhere. I, and many people in the fire and rescue 
services have, and do, make mistakes. You don't become some kind of robot 
when you pull on bunker gear! You're still the same person with the same 
faults and fears as any other person.

You WILL fail. Sooner or later. Somebody WILL die (they have on my watch) 
and you will just have to deal with it. The trick is doing your best, 
always, even at risk of your life, or loss of it. At least if you HAVE to 
loose a patient or your own life, loose it after putting up the a hell of 
fight and doing the best you could have done. 

I had to face this when I lost some friends operationally in the fire 
service. For months afterward I castigated myself, should I have done this, 
said this, done that, warned them... eventually I realized the simple fact 
was I had done my very, very best, and NOTHING I could have done more would 
have saved them.

You just need to live with it, and accept it.

>>>> The look of hatred and anger in their loved one's eys. The lawsuits
>>>> and charges of incompetence and negligence. The violence from enraged
>>>> kin. It must be hell on Earth.
>>>
>>> I think that you overstate it ;)

Yes, you do. I've NEVER seen hatered on an "accessory" face (a loved one or 
family member of someone who has just passed away in a fire or an accident) 
- but I have seen pathetic gratitude, thanks, and respect. The insane with 
grief husband or wife who assaults you to try and blame somebody, anybody 
for their loss is mostly a device of fiction. In reality (at least during my 
career) it never happened.

I once got the most wonderful letter from a mother after I handled the call 
where we managed to rescue her 3 year old from certain death after he fell 
into their pool and partially drowned. It means more than any money I can 
ever earn, or any man's thanks for gratitude. THAT makes it worth it.
 
>> Like I say, if I knew that somebody had *died* because I didn't do
>> everything I could - nah, if I vaguely *suspected* I didn't do
>> everything I could - I don't think I could go on living in this world.
>> 
> 
> I would be upset too, I must admit.

You just need to get over it. I know the feeling, I've experienced it. Your 
comrades, good training and discipline (doing what MUST be done, no matter 
how hard, dangerous, or painful) and knowing that you did your absolute best 
helps to assuage it.
 
>> And the distraught relatives who will blame you whether it's your fault
>> or not surely don't help either...
>> 
> 
> These are the things that you shouldn’t worry about because they will
> only make making mistakes more likely.

Precisely. 

-- 
Stefan Viljoen

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