Stephen schrieb:

>>>> And the midwife fainted.
>>> "The doctor nearly fainted"
>>> Scans better to me :)
>> No, as for rhythm the midwife version is much better.
> 
> You must be translating it. There is no rhyme (at the end of the lines). "And
> the midwife fainted." Sounds "clunky" and a conversation stopper to me.

I guess you're referring to that "missig" syllable that should be there 
between the two lines if the basic verse metric was applied slavishly, 
as is the case for the "doctor" version.

Which is exactly the problem I have with that version: It keeps the 
rhythm, but it also strictly separates the sentences (without any 
conjoining "and", "but" or whatever in between), without allowing to 
take a breath, as would be warranted by such a construction. Such a 
"semi-dramatic" pause also helps to create a moment of suspense before 
breaking the story with the punchline.

In other words: I find the degree of "clunkyness" of the "midwife" 
version perfectly fitting.

(Granted, if you'd actually intend to make a full poem out of it and 
continue after that sentence, the "doctor" version would be more fitting.)


 > A bit
> like;
> 
> BEAUTIFUL Railway Bridge of the Silvery Tay !
> With your numerous arches and pillars in so grand array
> And your central girders, which seem to the eye
> To be almost towering to the sky.
> The greatest wonder of the day,
> And a great beautification to the River Tay,
> Most beautiful to be seen,
> Near by Dundee and the Magdalen Green.
> 


Maybe that's why it collapsed in 1879 ;-)

Maybe it's a song though; in that case you can get away with much 
weirder flaws of rhythm.

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