On Sat, 02 May 2009 09:56:37 +0100, Orchid XP v8 wrote:

>>> As I say, most other people have folks around them to turn to for
>>> support and encouragement. I don't really have that.
>> 
>> You have that here.  Sure, it's not the same as having it in meatspace,
>> but we actually do exist.
> 
> I sometimes start to wonder....

Because of course all the hours we spend writing to you don't mean 
anything?  I've said it before, I don't talk to people I don't like.  
From what I've read of yours, I like you.  Why do you find that so 
difficult to believe?

>>> I'm quite happy with how it went with this girl. What's depressing the
>>> hell out of me is my repeated attempts to get a job are getting me
>>> nowhere, my repeated attempts to have a social life are getting me
>>> nowhere, my repeated attempts to enjoy myself aren't working... it's
>>> just extremely demotivating when all you experience is failure.
>> 
>> Like I said, you're not constantly failing, you're taking small steps.
> 
> If I was taking small steps, I'd slowly be getting somewhere.

And you are.  That is something that is difficult to see from inside your 
own head.  Trust me, from out here, what I've seen, you've made 
significant progress in the last year.

>> You go out and dance, don't you?  That's a social activity, and you
>> sure don't sound like you're failing there.
> 
> As far as learning to actually dance... sure, I fail big-style. In terms
> of getting along with people... that's a little more successful. But it
> doesn't help that I don't really have anything remotely in common with
> the people there to start with.

That's not really the point.  You get a chance to learn about 
interactions with people in meatspace, and you enjoy it.  That's hardly a 
failure.

>> You seem to enjoy your music immensely.  That sure doesn't sound like a
>> failure to me.
> 
> Unfortunately that generally doesn't impress people very much. 

Who cares?  You enjoy it, you're impressed by it, that's the important 
thing.  It's something that brings you happiness, so keep doing it.

> (And
> let's face it, the whole point of spending months learning to play
> something is so that when you play it, people will do "wow, that's
> awsome!")

Having played the violin myself for 15+ years, I can tell you that's not 
the only point of learning to play a piece of music.  I won't say that 
that's not part of the motivation - performance is fun and nerve-wracking 
all at the same time.

But the last times I've had my violin out were for myself - it helped me 
relax and concentrate on the writing I was doing.

>> I remember several months ago (maybe even a year ago) you talked about
>> meeting with one of your neighbors and having a wonderful time.  Have
>> you gotten together with them again?  Have you suggested maybe going
>> for drinks and a visit?
> 
> Mmm... for whatever reason, they seem to be disinclined to speak to me
> at the minute.

Have you contacted them, or have you been waiting for them to contact 
you?  If you haven't said anything to them, they may be wondering what's 
wrong with THEM.

>> As for the job search, what have you done in the last few weeks?  If I
>> worked in a place that was as problematic as you've described your
>> office, I wouldn't rest until I had found something else, no matter how
>> many job applications I'd submitted and been rejected for.  Hell, I
>> *did* that.
> 
> Just recently I haven't really done anything, due to an extreme lack of
> motivation. 

Then one could arguably make the point that your current job doesn't 
really suck that much.  Having a job that sucks is one of the biggest 
motivating factors for people.

> It's almost impossible to motivate yourself to do something
> when failure is 100% guaranteed. 

It is if you don't get off your ass and do something about it, that's for 
sure.  Especially in a contracting economy, jobs don't exactly fall out 
of the sky.

> Nobody wants the skills I have.

Bullshit.  Just because you haven't found a company that's looking for 
your skillset doesn't mean nobody is looking for your skills.

> (Assuming I even have them and I'm not just kidding myself.) Jayne was
> telling me her husband hasn't had any work for months now - and he has
> actual talent. If the talented people can't get work, what chance does
> some loser like me stand?

Everyone has a chance, but you have to TAKE IT and actually look, not 
just give up.

> Seriously. I can spent 3 hours looking through thousands of unsuitable
> job vacancies hoping to find one that I can actually apply to. 

Part of your problem is that you don't give yourself credit for what you 
are capable of, so you assume you aren't qualified and you don't even try.

How do you know what you're capable of if you don't try to stretch a 
little bit?  I'm not talking about jobs where they're looking for someone 
with a PhD. in nuclear physics as a minimum requirement - that's one that 
unless you have the degree, you don't meet the requirements for.  But 
systems admin jobs, research jobs at uni - those are jobs you could do.  
But you give up before you even apply, and you need to STOP doing that.

> I can
> apply to three or four of them. And then I can sit there and wait until
> I'm fairly sure a reply isn't coming. 

Or you could be persistent and call them.  Express extreme interest.  
Your current job sucks rocks, right?  Then do everything you can to GET 
OUT.

> Or I can sit and do nothing for 3
> hours. Both have the same result. Nobody except me will ever know the
> difference. Motivation, much?

How badly do you want to get out of your current job and situation?  How 
truly intolerable is it?

>> In spite of the continual failure to find something (and I looked for
>> months before quitting the current job at the time in disgust with
>> management), I kept looking.  I networked with people, and eventually
>> found something.  But it didn't happen overnight, and it didn't happen
>> with me sitting on my hands and going "oh poor me, my life sucks".  I
>> was absolutely scared shitless that I was going to lose my home (and I
>> nearly did at that).
> 
> What's your point? That you're a better human being than me? I think we
> already know that.

<sigh>  Are you intentionally missing my point?  It's called a parable - 
using an example to explain something.

My point is that I didn't give up and I found something good - and that's 
what you need to do.  Opportunities don't drop out of the sky, you've got 
to put some effort into it.  And sometimes it takes more time than you 
like, but if where you are is as awful as you describe, that alone should 
be enough motivation to keep up the search.

Jim

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