>> As I say, most other people have folks around them to turn to for
>> support and encouragement. I don't really have that.
> 
> You have that here.  Sure, it's not the same as having it in meatspace, 
> but we actually do exist.

I sometimes start to wonder....

>> I'm quite happy with how it went with this girl. What's depressing the
>> hell out of me is my repeated attempts to get a job are getting me
>> nowhere, my repeated attempts to have a social life are getting me
>> nowhere, my repeated attempts to enjoy myself aren't working... it's
>> just extremely demotivating when all you experience is failure.
> 
> Like I said, you're not constantly failing, you're taking small steps.

If I was taking small steps, I'd slowly be getting somewhere.

> You go out and dance, don't you?  That's a social activity, and you sure 
> don't sound like you're failing there.

As far as learning to actually dance... sure, I fail big-style. In terms 
of getting along with people... that's a little more successful. But it 
doesn't help that I don't really have anything remotely in common with 
the people there to start with.

> You seem to enjoy your music immensely.  That sure doesn't sound like a 
> failure to me.

Unfortunately that generally doesn't impress people very much. (And 
let's face it, the whole point of spending months learning to play 
something is so that when you play it, people will do "wow, that's awsome!")

> I remember several months ago (maybe even a year ago) you talked about 
> meeting with one of your neighbors and having a wonderful time.  Have you 
> gotten together with them again?  Have you suggested maybe going for 
> drinks and a visit?

Mmm... for whatever reason, they seem to be disinclined to speak to me 
at the minute.

> As for the job search, what have you done in the last few weeks?  If I 
> worked in a place that was as problematic as you've described your 
> office, I wouldn't rest until I had found something else, no matter how 
> many job applications I'd submitted and been rejected for.  Hell, I *did* 
> that.

Just recently I haven't really done anything, due to an extreme lack of 
motivation. It's almost impossible to motivate yourself to do something 
when failure is 100% guaranteed. Nobody wants the skills I have. 
(Assuming I even have them and I'm not just kidding myself.) Jayne was 
telling me her husband hasn't had any work for months now - and he has 
actual talent. If the talented people can't get work, what chance does 
some loser like me stand?

Seriously. I can spent 3 hours looking through thousands of unsuitable 
job vacancies hoping to find one that I can actually apply to. I can 
apply to three or four of them. And then I can sit there and wait until 
I'm fairly sure a reply isn't coming. Or I can sit and do nothing for 3 
hours. Both have the same result. Nobody except me will ever know the 
difference. Motivation, much?

> In spite of the continual failure to find something (and I looked for 
> months before quitting the current job at the time in disgust with 
> management), I kept looking.  I networked with people, and eventually 
> found something.  But it didn't happen overnight, and it didn't happen 
> with me sitting on my hands and going "oh poor me, my life sucks".  I was 
> absolutely scared shitless that I was going to lose my home (and I nearly 
> did at that).

What's your point? That you're a better human being than me? I think we 
already know that.

-- 
http://blog.orphi.me.uk/
http://www.zazzle.com/MathematicalOrchid*

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