Hmm. Seems this is "non-trivial". You can get "close" to the right 
effect with high end products like Leveller, if you want to spend the 
cash, but most systems that do it right are MATLab based, or the like 
(same problem), due to them using cellular automata to do it. Sadly, 
even though there is one example of this you don't have to "buy" the 
article/book for, it includes a function "ripples2", which is, 
apparently, part of an external library function, or some such, which 
isn't provided in the document.

This is going to be annoying to figure out.

-- 
void main () {

     if version = "Vista" {
       call slow_by_half();
       call DRM_everything();
     }
     call functional_code();
   }
   else
     call crash_windows();
}

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