> ...but the main reason is, I have *no idea* how to chop an image up into 
> little pieces, put them onto a web server, and switch then back together 
> with HTML and CSS so that the text sits nicely over the top. O_O

Well go read some books or tutorials then, it's not hard.  Try "CSS tutorial 
layering" in google, but I recommend you first learn how CSS works before 
delving into the details of specific solutions.

>> Agreed, although it depends what comes up on your front page :-)
>
> Uh... the same as everybody else? (It's not like I'm logged in...)

Dunno what the "standard" amazon page looks like, it always comes up with 
stuff it thinks I will be interested in.

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