"Orchid XP v8" <voi### [at] devnull> wrote in message 
news:49734001$1@news.povray.org...
>>> Yes. Because of course, I've *never* tried doing that, have I? :-P
>>
>>       But you don't do anything *consistantly*! You're flittering from 
>> here to there like a blue-assed fly and not giving anything a chance.
>
> I spent 6 months doing drawing classes. Not that it helped any.

    Six months, and you never made a friend, male or female??


>
> After all the time, effort and money I've wasted on this, it really makes 
> me angry when people tell me I'm "not trying". I've *tried* everything I 
> can damned think of! I'm not doing anything now because I can't think of 
> anything more to try.

     Are you any good at sports? Are you a good runner? Have you tried your 
local athletics club or sports club? If you want to meet girls, get down 
that track. About 10 years ago, I ran two laps of our local track for a 
charity and there were plenty of girls there limbering up. Go where the 
girls are, make friends, and take it from there.


>
>> It can take months, even years to 'get to know' someone.
>
> Well there seem to be plenty of people where I work who have been there 
> only a month or two and are already best mates with just about everybody. 
> But I've been there for *years*, and still nobody wants to know me.

      No, you *assume* that they are best mates. Yes, some might be, but to 
be honest, most there will have 'best mates' outside of work.


>
>> IIRC, there was a lady talking about the man she now loves and is happily 
>> married to, but they were friends for something like 20 years before they 
>> got together.
>
> Well when I was at uni, most of the guys in my class were my age, and not 
> married. Now all of the ones I still have data on are married. Only a few 
> years later.

     Because they went out, and enjoyed themselves meeting all kinds of 
people and you didn't, you stayed in learning your computer.


>
>>> [Actually I've tried all sorts of things to "get out there" and "meet 
>>> people". None of them have worked.]
>>
>>     Well, sorry, but there must be something wrong with you.
>
> Yeah, thanks. Rub it in why don't you?

     Look, sorry you didn't like that Andrew, but mate, that's life. I would 
say the same thing to you if you were in front of me right now. I'm not 
trying to upset you, I'm trying to help you but you almost seem helpless. 
It's like we throw good idea's and suggestions at you and you go dancing 
with grannies! (And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that). Do you 
think these guys on here are stupid or something? They're not, most of them 
have seen some life and they're trying to help you as best they can, and 
really, I can't remember one suggestion from any of them that wouldn't help 
you.


>
> Well, there are two possibilities:
>
> 1. Accept that I have an incurable brain malfunction, and thus I will 
> never be able to make friends. Thus, there is no reason for me to continue 
> to be alive, and I might as well die now.

      The very fact that you can think like this does you no favours at all.


>
> 2. Assume that there's some way around the problem, and I just need to 
> find it.
>
> I'm currently going with the latter...

  Well, that's good because if you topped yourself, you would never know 
what you'll be doing in 10 years time. :)


>
>> When I met you in London, you were a bag of nerves. It seemed to me that 
>> nearly everything frightened you, worried you, like you've never met 
>> *anyone* in your life.
>
> Guess what? I *have* almost never met anybody. And the few people I have 
> met have almost all reacted very negatively to me.

    You have to ask yourself *WHY?* When Stephen, John and myself  met you, 
did we react negatively towards you? NO. No we didn't, we thought you were a 
great guy apart from your over-the-top nerves which I at least thought was 
kind of strange, but it didn't stop me liking you, and I still like you, I 
think you're a great guy and if I lived anywhere near you, I'd probably be 
your best mate right now. You know why? Because I care.


>
> Besides, I was under the impression that it's "normal" to be nervous when 
> you're standing around on your own somewhere, not sure where you're going, 
> surrounded by strangers. I mean, unless you're super-confident...

    It IS normal to be nervous! I was, very. And then 5 minutes later, that 
went out the window. I felt very comfortable with all three of you and would 
love to meet you all again. You see, I don't care what 'you' think of me, it 
doesn't even enter my head. When I meet someone, of course, I hope that I 
give an ok impression of myself, and I don't think I've let anyone down yet 
in that respect. If someone doesn't like me, then that's their loss, I don't 
take it to heart, and never will.


>
>> That's something that you're just going to *have* to defeat because it 
>> really isn't good for you.
>
> Yeah, I had worked that one out. That's like the government saying "banks 
> need to start lending money again". Doesn't fix the problem.

     Oh come on, that's a bad example to use.


>
>>     To be honest, I seriously wonder how you would be if you did get a 
>> girlfriend, really.
>
> I guess we'll never know, will we?

     You see? You just nail it to the floor nearly every time. Just stop it 
and be positive.

>
>> Over possessive?
>
> Perhaps.
>
> I'm told it's a common problem for beginners and they gradually get over 
> it. Of course, most "beginners" aren't 30 - more like 13...

    You think there aren't others that don't have partners when they're your 
age?? I can bet you that there are PLENTY.

     Join a dating club!! Do one of those speed dating evenings! You'll meet 
people your age that are LOOKING for a date!!

    I quite fancy that myself, lol. :)


>
>> When she wants to go clubbing until all hours of the morning, and you 
>> don't, how are going to feel and handle it?
>
> How about I go out with somebody who actually likes the same things as me? 
> Isn't that what most people do?

    Not a necessity at all, but just how are you going to find someone that 
is interested in Haskell, computers, 3D graphics and organs. You see, you're 
limiting yourself with the things that you like. You've got to broaden your 
horizons.


>
>> I could go on, there's a huge list that you just don't know about yet, 
>> but I won't spoil it for you, lol. ;)
>
> Yeah. My mum always goes to great lengths to remind me that I'd be a 
> terrible boyfriend and that I should just give up, etc.

     I didn't mean that, I meant even if you get with someone, there's a 
huge list of things that might crop up like pregnancy, sharing the bills, 
laziness on her part, bad cooking, alcohol, smoking, you're the bread 
winner, and she doesn't want to work, or won't look for work, and what if 
you only have one computer and she wants to go on it for hours on end, gonna 
let her?

    There are many many more.


>
>>     Honestly, get out of your mums house, just get out, out, out.
>
> Yes, because then I'd be broke and I'd have no reason to speak to 
> *anybody* ever again. I can see how that would solve all my problems.

    <Sigh> Will you just give over?? Just do it. I bet you'll thank me in a 
years time. What do you think it will be like? Hell? No, it won't be, but in 
all honesty mate, if you can't do it now at your age, then how in hell will 
you do it when you meet someone??

    I left home when I was nearly 17. I did it to give my grandparents a 
break. I got a job as a waiter in an agricultural college. I lived in and my 
board and meals were free. Did I worry what was going to happen to me? No, I 
didn't. I lost that job about two years later (lol, youth) and was forced to 
find a place of my own which I did. I was then coming up to 20 years old. I 
was into motorbikes back then and met so many other bikers that became 
friends, both male and female. That's how I met Jo, my wife. It hasn't been 
a great journey, I can tell you that for nothing, and I never expected it to 
be because I knew way back then that nothing is perfect in life and there 
would always be barriers to deal with, and you know what? I'm still dealing 
with those barriers even now.


>
>> And don't give that rubbish about not being able to afford it, you can 
>> afford a place easily.
>
> FWIW, I did actually get as far as talking to a finance advisor about 
> this. The conclusion was that actually... no, I can't afford it, 
> realistically.

    You went to an advisor to work that out?? You couldn't do it yourself? 
What is it that you *expect* when you want to rent somewhere? An exclusive 
pad with a jacuzzi? No, for your first place, expect a small room somewhere 
with the possibility of shared bathroom facilities. That's going to be your 
cheapest place to start.



>
>> You just don't get it though do you. If you moved out, your life 
>> *changes*, and probably dramatically, whether for good or bad, but at 
>> least whichever way it goes, it will be *your* decisions in which way you 
>> go in life, and nothing to do with your mum.
>
> Have you *met* my mum?? Unless I move to, say, THE MOON, she is still 
> going to control my life. Nobody can escape her... >_<

    Tell her to keep her nose out of your business. She IS a big part of 
your problem. It's almost like she doesn't want to be alone. (That is, if I 
understand it right, that your parents have split up?)

   If so, that's deadly for you.


>
> (My sister moved to Hull - do you know where Hull is? - and she still got 
> harassed at least once a week.)
>
>>    Potential Girlfriend: "Where do you live Andy?" <------- This is VERY 
>> good. +1
>>
>>    Andy: "At home with my Mum."  <------- This is NOT good. -1
>>
>>    PG: "Oh..."  <------- This is NOT good. -1
>>
>>     You see?
>
> Actually, Kate said "oh, so do I". :-P

     Ok, fine, I'm sure that you'll find a much bigger percentage of girls 
do live at home still, other than blokes. And how old is Kate?


>
>>    Find a place close to your works, that way, you'll save a load on fuel 
>> at least.
>
> Or, better yet, find a job somewhere nicer, that pays *actual money*, and 
> then move there?

   You getting another job and actually doing some work for a change is a 
whole new issue.

       ~Steve~



>
> -- 
> http://blog.orphi.me.uk/
> http://www.zazzle.com/MathematicalOrchid*

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