On Tue, 12 Aug 2008 21:01:14 +0100, Orchid XP v8 wrote:

> Jim Henderson wrote:
> 
>> None of us gets an instruction manual on how to be a parent.  All kids
>> are different, so there isn't a "this way works best for everyone".  If
>> you do the best you can, that's all anyone can ask (about anything, not
>> just parenting) - those that do, well, they can go f--- themselves.
> 
> Yeah, but surely you end up playing that old game of "well if I'd done X
> instead of Y then Z wouldn't have happened and then..."

I've found that "woulda/coulda/shoulda" games are useful only to a 
certain extent.  That extent is passed when raising kids when a thing has 
been done and you've seen the results.

Yeah, we *coulda* previewed the South Park movie before taking him to see 
it when he was 10.  <shrug>  We didn't know much about it then.  Turned 
out to be one of life's little lessons, but it also didn't permanently 
damage him, so no real harm done.

>> Does that mean I don't worry about him?  No.  That's part of the job of
>> being a parent:  being concerned for your child's well-being.  Being
>> there for them to support them when things aren't going so well.
> 
> How about this: When I was about 3 years old, I walked to the local
> nursry by myself one day. Just found a chair, opened the front door and
> toddled over there. It's about 1 mile and involves crossing a small
> road.
> 
> When I got home, my mother was hyperventilating. My mumbled responce of
> "I walked to nursry but it was shut but then a nice man gave me a
> sweety" didn't seem to calm her down.

Well, like I said, good parents are always concerned for their child's 
well-being.  If your mother was a good parent (and I've no reason to 
believe she wasn't), she learned from that experience and did a better 
job keeping an eye on you.  You seem perhaps a bit overshy and a bit 
unsure of yourself, but other than that, you seem to me to be pretty well-
adjusted.

>>> Like I said, a stressful and thankless task. :-(
>> 
>> Not at all.  Ken turns 21 in a few weeks; he still lives at home (he's
>> at the local university when school's in session), and when I'm working
>> from home, he frequently comes by and gives me a hug for no reason; he
>> still comes in and kisses us goodnight before going to bed.
> 
> Heh. I guess because *my* parents were always quite distant I forget
> what it's like to be a normal family...

There is no such thing as a "normal" family.  Especially these days.  If 
you think *my* family is normal, well, you're pretty far off base 
there....

Jim

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