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On Sun, 13 Jul 2008 08:10:15 +0100, Orchid XP v8 wrote:
>>>>> Nah. She's explicitly not looking for a BF.
>>>> Girls *always* say that, and then end up dating the first guy with
>>>> the guts to ask them out.
>>> Erm... this girl has just come out of an abusive relationship with a
>>> guy who used to physically beat her. I'm pretty sure she's not
>>> kidding.
>>
>> Ugh, that's some nasty stuff to deal with.
>
> Indeed.
>
> Although a few days ago, her profile on Facebook had the caption "Kate
> is looking for somebody but isn't sure where to find them", and
> yesterday it changed to "Kate is giving up on men, no offence to any but
> not more head messings please!" I'm confused...
This tells me that she's still dealing with issues from her last
relationship.
>>> That's more or less my plan, but... she's so hard to hang out with!
>>> She's always "busy". :-(
>>
>> She's getting over some pretty serious stuff. Give her space and time.
>
> I don't think that's the problem - I made it clear I just wanna be
> friends. I think she really *is* just very busy right now... Hopefully
> it won't last forever. She seems to be making a lot of effort to bother
> answering my texts and emails.
Well, that's a good sign. But having been in a physically abusive
relationship, it takes time to get one's head on straight again and to
trust people. Believe me when I say I know what I'm talking about here.
It's different for everyone, but people who have been the targets of
abusive behaviour (and not just physical abuse) sometimes take *years* to
come to terms with it and to trust anyone.
It *usually* isn't personal (one could never say unequivocally that it's
*never* personal). Fear is a powerful emotion and causes people to
behave in inconsistent ways.
Jim
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