I just threw away a box of 10-year old email printouts. (Did we *have* 
email 10 years ago??) In amounst the crumbling paper, I found a heavy 
cardboard envolope:



AOL Version 3.0! with 99 FREE HOURS!


SPECIAL OFFERS!
See inside for details

FREE Internet access!
100% local call access!

So easy to use, no wonder we're No.1!

IT'S HERE!

By Popular Demand:

* Your revolutionary FREE 99 hour trail!
* Easy to install, easy to use!
* Thousands of exclusive areas only on AOL!



[My typing really doesn't convey the over-the-top font sizes and insane 
colour scheme. It almost looks like a 1960s detergent packet - yellow 
starburst with a vivid orange border, blue and green block type, etc.]

Inside there is a CD that loudly proclaims

Discover AOL 3.0! for Windows 98, Windows 95, Windows 3.1 & Macintosh!

Complete with the little IE v2 logo.

I'm guessing this CD dated back to the time when the Internet was still 
called "the Information Super-Highway". ;-)

The small print is fantastic:



Your free trail must be used within one calendar month of your initial 
sign-on. Unless you cancel your account before the end of your free 
trail by calling 0800 376 7444 during office hours, you will thereafter 

3 hours online access each month. Additional access to AOL is charged by 

may be removed without notice or may be subject to additional 
usage-related surcharges. You are responsible for the cost of your 
telephone connection to AOL, and for supplemental charges for access to 
AOL outside the UK. A choice of billing options is available, see online 
registration for further details. To use AOL with Windows 3.1, you 
require a 486 DX PC or higher, 8MB of RAM and 20 MB of HD space. To use 
AOL with Windows 95 or Windows 98, you require a pentium [sic] class PC 
or higher, 16MB of RAM and 60 MB of HD space. In addition a system 
running AOL will require an SVGA monitor (256 colour support required), 
a mouse, a 1440 kpbs [sic] modem or faster, a dual speed CD-Rom drive or 
faster, and a UK copy of one of the operating systems referred to above. 
To use AOL for Macintosh you require a Macintosh 68030 or higher, System 
7.5.5 or later, a mouse, a 9600 kbps modem or faster, 256 colour monitor 
with 640x480 resolution or better, 8MB RAM, and 15MB of free hard drive 
space. Must be 18 years or over to apply. Limit of one free trail per 
household. Offer only available in the UK. Local calls charged at BT 
local rates. Access to and usage of AOL is subject to terms and 
conditions which are available online. Please note that an AOL account 
is only opened if you register online with AOL. If you have only 
received the CD an account has not been opened.

IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO TRY AOL, YOU DO NOT NEED TO RETURN THE CD - YOU 
WILL NOT BE CHARGED.

If you do not wish to receive information from AOL and other selected 
companies on goods and services that may be of interest to you please 
tick this box [ ] and return to: AOL Data Services, Redgrove House, 393 
Lordship Lane, East Dulwich, London SE22 8JN.



Wow. Just wow. So... let me get this straight...

- The "99 FREE HOURS" doesn't include the cost of the telephone calls. 
It just means "free" as in AOL WON'T CHARGE YOU.
- The 99 hours have to be used within 1 calendar month.

of whether you actually use AOL at all.
- You get *three* hours of Internet access. After that you get charged 

- Access to AOL is subject to terms and conditions WHICH ARE AVAILABLE 
ONLINE?!?
- A choice of billing opions is available ONLINE too...
- This thing works with Windows 3.1? o_O
- 486 DX or higher??
- OMG, back then you had to actually *specify* a PC capable of 
displaying actual graphics?! :-D
- Look at that. 8 MB of RAM for an "operating system". Anybody wanna try 
Vista with that? (Or XP. Or hell, even NT4?)
- Even back then, Windows 3.1 only requires 8MB RAM, but already Win95 
requires *twice as much*! (And *triple* the HD space...)
- [Even back then, I already had a machine that happily displays 256 
colours at resolutions more than a tad above 640x480, has a full 
premptive multitasking OS with sophisticated GUI, and needs only 2MB of 
RAM to do its job - HD optional.]
- I've checked thrice; it definitely says "1440 kpbs modem". (But notice 
that the SECOND time it gets it right.)
- Why does a Mac require a faster modem than a PC? [Or is it just that 
Apple never made slow modems?]

But The Real WTF(tm) is
- ...my company USED THIS PRODUCT for 5 years???

As in, my company used a RESIDENTIAL INTERNET ACCESS PACKAGE to present 
their corporate presence to the Internet? o_O

-- 
http://blog.orphi.me.uk/
http://www.zazzle.com/MathematicalOrchid*

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