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Hi(gh)!
After thinking thoroughly about it and having discussed the issue in
some therapeutical setting, I came to the conclusion that it would be
best for my mental health to mostly withdraw from the Internet, at least
to cancel my private Internet access.
Nevertheless, raytracing and POV-Ray remains a prime pastime for me
(although I currently doubt whether the world really needs a virtual
Afghanistan), and occasionally I might still be present here from a
friend's computer, but essentially, my Internet life ends now after 18
years.
After posting this message and deleting all my web works
(www.khyberspace.de, www.bergisch-afghanistan.de), I will cut through
the ethernet cable which connects my computer to the Internet.
@clipka: Perhaps we meet some day in RL, I have your telephone number,
and you should also be able to find mine...
So long,
Yadgar
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>
> After thinking thoroughly about it and having discussed the issue in
> some therapeutical setting, I came to the conclusion that it would be
> best for my mental health to mostly withdraw from the Internet, at least
> to cancel my private Internet access.
Sorry to see you go.
But if you think that it is for the best, then good luck.
--
Regards
Stephen
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Very sorry to hear this. But I hope that it will prove beneficial! Come back and
visit us if the opportunity arises.
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Likewise, I am sad to see you go. Sometimes those decisions have to be
taken. I sincerely wish you all the best and hope to see you again here
one day.
Thomas
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Very sad tidings indeed. Your comments were very welcome to me and I ever wanted
to have a closer look at your bergisch-afghanistan. I read a lot of it, but not
all. Now it is gone and I can only recall a little of it from my memories. I
know that it is not likely that you read this lines, but I really hope that you
have not to abandon your (technics) organ as well. I will not say "good bye".
But I will say another thing. I have very bad experiencies from a close friend
who trusted her psychotherapist too much. Often this guys handle only the
symptoms but not the causes, just to earn money over years. They know that you
are in need, and they abuse you. And may be they have some sexual benefits...
Don't trust them, have a second opinion.
Best regards,
Michael
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"MichaelJF" <mi-### [at] t-online de> wrote:
> Very sad tidings indeed. Your comments were very welcome to me and I ever wanted
> to have a closer look at your bergisch-afghanistan. I read a lot of it, but not
> all. Now it is gone and I can only recall a little of it from my memories. I
> know that it is not likely that you read this lines, but I really hope that you
> have not to abandon your (technics) organ as well. I will not say "good bye".
>
> But I will say another thing. I have very bad experiencies from a close friend
> who trusted her psychotherapist too much. Often this guys handle only the
> symptoms but not the causes, just to earn money over years. They know that you
> are in need, and they abuse you. And may be they have some sexual benefits...
> Don't trust them, have a second opinion.
>
> Best regards,
> Michael
I apologize for being a little bit to short last days, which can lead to
misunderstandings. First, I didn't want to trivialise mental disorders as the
World Health Organisation is calling mental diseases nowadays. This
renaming should yield more acceptance for persons concerned but trivialises
mental diseases IMO, since this kind of diseases can cause severe suffering -
especially because they are not as easy to explain like e.g. a broken bone.
Second, I mixed up reports by two friends with similiar problems both many years
ago. One of them reported this special "extra payment" I mentioned, the other
not. Since I have my own experiences with medics from my first profession as a
male nurse this reports just fits into my picture. You will not belief how e.g.
heart surgeons talk about smokers when they belief to be under themselves. My
opinion is that there a sound number of honorable ones, but a sound number of
black sheeps too. The problem is to tell them apart. So a reference by other
people concerned or a second opion is needed. I know this is a good and a bad
advice, since if one has severe mental problems it is hard enough to go to the
first person.
Third, I think that any kind of addiction (to the internet, gaming, drugs or
whatever) is only a symptom of a deeper, underlying problem, which has to be
revealed.
Fourth, I was concerened about loosing a friend here and as all I noticed Joergs
activities here were sparse within the last months and could not explain an
addiction to the internet causing a mental disorder. But than I googled about
Joerg and found a lot of things he cannot eliminate from the net so fast (or
ever) and now I understand him.
Joerg, if you ever read this lines, the POV-Community is concerned about POV of
course in the first place but you can discuss a lot of things within the off
topic group. Not all of course, but within the internet you will never find a
better community. But I think you know this...
Best regards,
Michael
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Hi(gh)!
Meanwhile, I had to relax my strong intial stance about leaving the
Internet for an unforseeable time (if not forever) to a more moderate
one: as my problem lies not with the Internet in general, but rather
with the WWW, I reconfigured my two computers in a way that I now only
can use e-mail, Usenet (which of course includes news.povray.org) and
telnet (for the occasional MUD session). The "psychological hurdle" for
re-installing Firefox or the Internet Explorer is high enough as I lost
my Windows XP installation disc years ago, so that I first would have to
buy a "new" (nowadays of course second hand) one or to re-install Linux
on my main raytracing computer, which would take me more than two hours
and thus would also be too cumbersome.
In fact, my most severe addiction (or better, compulsion as it gives me
not even short-time positive feelings of satisfaction, only mental pain)
is googling several times a day for the catchwords "sin" or "hell", to
land up on Christian fundamentalist websites telling me that I, as a
homosexual unbeliever, am heading straight towards a place and state
infinitely worse than Auschwitz! Websites which tell me that even the
faintest hunch of independent, individualist thinking is nothing less
than spitting into the face of God Almighty, unforgivable unless I
surrender to Fundamentalist doctrine and become a robotic slave of what
they call "Jesus Christ". There must be tens of thousands of such
websites, also in German language... and I'm simply addicted to
religiously induced fear!
There of course also is the issue of simply devoting far too much time
for Internet/computer activities in general - which still would be a
problem resulting in a chronically messy apartment and runaway obesity
(meanwhile almost hitting 300 lbs!) even without access to the WWW.
Am 21.01.2013 21:16, schrieb MichaelJF:
> Fourth, I was concerened about loosing a friend here and as all I noticed Joergs
> activities here were sparse within the last months and could not explain an
> addiction to the internet causing a mental disorder.
Partially it in fact can be explained by my obsessive-compulsory
affliction described above, but also by the fact that I started to
prepare the version 0.3 of my Earth Flight animation (on YouTube, look
for "Yadgar1969"), which involves thorough processing of huge "Blue
Marble" Earth satellite mosaic textures; this probably would occupy me
well into 2014. Then there still is Khyberspace, the virtual
Afghanistan, partially as an SRTM-based part of POVEarth, but also
partially (the "Kabul Module") using a heightfield generated from a
Soviet-made topographic map at a scale of 1:100,000.
I also deleted my www.khyberspace.de pages, as during almost 12 years,
the response to it was next to none. Many contents of those pages were
also much too personal, almost exhibitionistical to be presented to a
global public. Why should anyone outside there take any attention of my
current weight, hair length or my strange teenage obsessions having led
me to that weird fascination of Afghanistan? Furthermore, also the
"Greenbook" electronic organ database and the nascent "Rock-o-Data"
music database have been erased. In the more distant future, when I may
have acquired the mental strength to withstand the lure of "fear
googling", I probably will return to the WWW to rework these projects.
My Afghanistan chronicle (http://home.arcor.de/yadgar/index.htm),
however, remains on the Web, as also a close friend of mine uses this
webspace, so I was not allowed at all to erase it...
But for the time being, I'm not able to tackle with the sheer
availability of fundamentalist content on the WWW, at least when I'm
alone at home and not under the "social control" of friends or in an
Internet cafe where excessive surfing and "fear googling" would become
too expensive.
> But than I googled about
> Joerg and found a lot of things he cannot eliminate from the net so fast (or
> ever) and now I understand him.
Which "things" do you mean?
> Joerg, if you ever read this lines, the POV-Community is concerned about POV of
> course in the first place but you can discuss a lot of things within the off
> topic group. Not all of course, but within the internet you will never find a
> better community. But I think you know this...
Yes, of course!
See you on my screen!
Yadgar
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=?ISO-8859-1?Q?J=F6rg_=27Yadgar=27_Bleimann?= <yaz### [at] gmxde> wrote:
> In fact, my most severe addiction (or better, compulsion as it gives me
> not even short-time positive feelings of satisfaction, only mental pain)
> is googling several times a day for the catchwords "sin" or "hell", to
> land up on Christian fundamentalist websites telling me that I, as a
> homosexual unbeliever, am heading straight towards a place and state
> infinitely worse than Auschwitz! Websites which tell me that even the
> faintest hunch of independent, individualist thinking is nothing less
> than spitting into the face of God Almighty, unforgivable unless I
> surrender to Fundamentalist doctrine and become a robotic slave of what
> they call "Jesus Christ". There must be tens of thousands of such
> websites, also in German language... and I'm simply addicted to
> religiously induced fear!
You must stop Googling "sin" and "hell," and stay away from fundamentalist Web
sites. Why torture yourself? See if there are any atheist, humanist, or
freethought groups in your community; they can help you deal with social
surroundings that condemn you for who you are.
Do you have a fundamentalist Christian background? You might want to contact
Dr. Marlene Winell (http://journeyfree.org/). I don't know if she knows of any
resources in Germany, but it's worth a try.
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On 1/22/2013 6:01 AM, Cousin Ricky wrote:
> =?ISO-8859-1?Q?J=F6rg_=27Yadgar=27_Bleimann?= <yaz### [at] gmxde> wrote:
>> In fact, my most severe addiction (or better, compulsion as it gives me
>> not even short-time positive feelings of satisfaction, only mental pain)
>> is googling several times a day for the catchwords "sin" or "hell", to
>> land up on Christian fundamentalist websites telling me that I, as a
>> homosexual unbeliever, am heading straight towards a place and state
>> infinitely worse than Auschwitz! Websites which tell me that even the
>> faintest hunch of independent, individualist thinking is nothing less
>> than spitting into the face of God Almighty, unforgivable unless I
>> surrender to Fundamentalist doctrine and become a robotic slave of what
>> they call "Jesus Christ". There must be tens of thousands of such
>> websites, also in German language... and I'm simply addicted to
>> religiously induced fear!
>
> You must stop Googling "sin" and "hell," and stay away from fundamentalist Web
> sites. Why torture yourself? See if there are any atheist, humanist, or
> freethought groups in your community; they can help you deal with social
> surroundings that condemn you for who you are.
>
> Do you have a fundamentalist Christian background? You might want to contact
> Dr. Marlene Winell (http://journeyfree.org/). I don't know if she knows of any
> resources in Germany, but it's worth a try.
>
Yes, definitely find some more sane people to talk to, visit. Seriously,
"fundamentalists" are nothing of the sort. They cherry pick BS, based on
their own fears and biases, and ignore everything else in their
supposedly "holy" book. And, most of the stuff in it is absurd to the
point of idiocy. Good example - the whole "three races" nonsense from
Noah was, "Cain saw me naked, while I was drunk, so, despite the other
two brothers being extra careful not to see me naked, when they covered
me up, I cursed all of them!" Thus the "mark of Cain", and the supposed
separation of humans into blacks, Jews and Asians, of which only the
Jews where "redeemable". I mean, WTF? This crap is being taught in some
voucher based schools in the US, on tax payer expense, because the
wackos here think its important to "spread the truth".
And, the irony? There is evidence that gay issues, abstinence, etc., is
becoming less and less relevant to younger people in the US, which is
the "hotbed" of this nonsense, even as the fundie death cultists are
getting more and more aggressive in trying to cheat their way into
office and spread their crap all over everything.
No, the whole "sin" of being gay, has nothing to do with god, or hell.
Hell didn't even exist as a coherent idea, until *after* the New
Testament, when they needed to make promises of heaven, and invest a
place of punishment (both stolen from the Greek and Roman legends),
while ignoring Ecclesiastics, which pretty much denies the existence of
*any* world beyond this one, never mind rewards/punishments for "sin" in
life.
Like I said - cherry picking. There isn't much point to sin, if no one
gets punished, so.. they choose to ignore the OT parts that deny the
existence of heaven and hell, but "accept" the parts that would make
their male centric, woman owning, "out breed the other races", the only
real purpose in life is to make a lot of male babies, parts. The only
sin/evil here is in their hate, fear, anger, and willingness to destroy
people that don't agree with their absurd assertions, cherry picked
mythology, and delusional view of how the world works.
You definitely need to find some people that are not totally nuts to
talk to, and stop reading the lies of these irrelevant, less than 5% of
the population, assholes.
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On Tue, 22 Jan 2013 09:01:52 -0500, Cousin Ricky wrote:
> =?ISO-8859-1?Q?J=F6rg_=27Yadgar=27_Bleimann?= <yaz### [at] gmxde> wrote:
>> In fact, my most severe addiction (or better, compulsion as it gives me
>> not even short-time positive feelings of satisfaction, only mental
>> pain)
>> is googling several times a day for the catchwords "sin" or "hell", to
>> land up on Christian fundamentalist websites telling me that I, as a
>> homosexual unbeliever, am heading straight towards a place and state
>> infinitely worse than Auschwitz! Websites which tell me that even the
>> faintest hunch of independent, individualist thinking is nothing less
>> than spitting into the face of God Almighty, unforgivable unless I
>> surrender to Fundamentalist doctrine and become a robotic slave of what
>> they call "Jesus Christ". There must be tens of thousands of such
>> websites, also in German language... and I'm simply addicted to
>> religiously induced fear!
>
> You must stop Googling "sin" and "hell," and stay away from
> fundamentalist Web sites. Why torture yourself? See if there are any
> atheist, humanist, or freethought groups in your community; they can
> help you deal with social surroundings that condemn you for who you are.
It's easy to say "well, stop doing that, then" - but as he says, it's a
compulsion, and something that it sounds like he's seeking help for.
Joerg, I do hope you get the help you need. There are far more people
who are accepting of your lifestyle and who don't condemn you for it.
You have friends here (I've not talked to you much, but I always have
found your posts and images interesting) who like you for who you are.
When the compulsion strikes to seek out these fundamentalist hate sites,
remember that above all - and if your therapist isn't helping you
overcome the compulsion, then you might ask him/her if they know of
another therapist who might be able to help you more. It does take time,
of course, to overcome deeply ingrained behaviours and compulsions, but
it's not impossible.
Best,
Jim
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