>
> After thinking thoroughly about it and having discussed the issue in
> some therapeutical setting, I came to the conclusion that it would be
> best for my mental health to mostly withdraw from the Internet, at least
> to cancel my private Internet access.


Sorry to see you go.
But if you think that it is for the best, then good luck.

-- 
Regards
     Stephen

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Very sorry to hear this. But I hope that it will prove beneficial! Come back and
visit us if the opportunity arises.

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Likewise, I am sad to see you go. Sometimes those decisions have to be 
taken. I sincerely wish you all the best and hope to see you again here 
one day.

Thomas

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Very sad tidings indeed. Your comments were very welcome to me and I ever wanted
to have a closer look at your bergisch-afghanistan. I read a lot of it, but not
all. Now it is gone and I can only recall a little of it from my memories. I
know that it is not likely that you read this lines, but I really hope that you
have not to abandon your (technics) organ as well. I will not say "good bye".

But I will say another thing. I have very bad experiencies from a close friend
who trusted her psychotherapist too much. Often this guys handle only the
symptoms but not the causes, just to earn money over years. They know that you
are in need, and they abuse you. And may be they have some sexual benefits...
Don't trust them, have a second opinion.

Best regards,
Michael

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"MichaelJF" <mi-### [at] t-onlinede> wrote:
> Very sad tidings indeed. Your comments were very welcome to me and I ever wanted
> to have a closer look at your bergisch-afghanistan. I read a lot of it, but not
> all. Now it is gone and I can only recall a little of it from my memories. I
> know that it is not likely that you read this lines, but I really hope that you
> have not to abandon your (technics) organ as well. I will not say "good bye".
>
> But I will say another thing. I have very bad experiencies from a close friend
> who trusted her psychotherapist too much. Often this guys handle only the
> symptoms but not the causes, just to earn money over years. They know that you
> are in need, and they abuse you. And may be they have some sexual benefits...
> Don't trust them, have a second opinion.
>
> Best regards,
> Michael

I apologize for being a little bit to short last days, which can lead to
misunderstandings.  First, I didn't want to trivialise mental disorders as the
World Health Organisation is calling mental diseases nowadays. This
renaming should yield more acceptance for persons concerned but trivialises
mental diseases IMO, since this kind of diseases can cause severe suffering -
especially because they are not as easy to explain like e.g. a broken bone.

Second, I mixed up reports by two friends with similiar problems both many years
ago. One of them reported this special "extra payment" I mentioned, the other
not. Since I have my own experiences with medics from my first profession as a
male nurse this reports just fits into my picture. You will not belief how e.g.
heart surgeons talk about smokers when they belief to be under themselves. My
opinion is that there a sound number of honorable ones, but a sound number of
black sheeps too. The problem is to tell them apart. So a reference by other
people concerned or a second opion is needed. I know this is a good and a bad
advice, since if one has severe mental problems it is hard enough to go to the
first person.

Third, I think that any kind of addiction (to the internet, gaming, drugs or
whatever) is only a symptom of a deeper, underlying problem, which has to be
revealed.

Fourth, I was concerened about loosing a friend here and as all I noticed Joergs
activities here were sparse within the last months and could not explain an
addiction to the internet causing a mental disorder. But than I googled about
Joerg and found a lot of things he cannot eliminate from the net so fast (or
ever) and now I understand him.


Joerg, if you ever read this lines, the POV-Community is concerned about POV of
course in the first place but you can discuss a lot of things within the off
topic group. Not all of course, but within the internet you will never find a
better community. But I think you know this...

Best regards,
Michael

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Hi(gh)!

Meanwhile, I had to relax my strong intial stance about leaving the 
Internet for an unforseeable time (if not forever) to a more moderate 
one: as my problem lies not with the Internet in general, but rather 
with the WWW, I reconfigured my two computers in a way that I now only 
can use e-mail, Usenet (which of course includes news.povray.org) and 
telnet (for the occasional MUD session). The "psychological hurdle" for 
re-installing Firefox or the Internet Explorer is high enough as I lost 
my Windows XP installation disc years ago, so that I first would have to 
buy a "new" (nowadays of course second hand) one or to re-install Linux 
on my main raytracing computer, which would take me more than two hours 
and thus would also be too cumbersome.

In fact, my most severe addiction (or better, compulsion as it gives me 
not even short-time positive feelings of satisfaction, only mental pain) 
is googling several times a day for the catchwords "sin" or "hell", to 
land up on Christian fundamentalist websites telling me that I, as a 
homosexual unbeliever, am heading straight towards a place and state 
infinitely worse than Auschwitz! Websites which tell me that even the 
faintest hunch of independent, individualist thinking is nothing less 
than spitting into the face of God Almighty, unforgivable unless I 
surrender to Fundamentalist doctrine and become a robotic slave of what 
they call "Jesus Christ". There must be tens of thousands of such 
websites, also in German language... and I'm simply addicted to 
religiously induced fear!

There of course also is the issue of simply devoting far too much time 
for Internet/computer activities in general - which still would be a 
problem resulting in a chronically messy apartment and runaway obesity 
(meanwhile almost hitting 300 lbs!) even without access to the WWW.

Am 21.01.2013 21:16, schrieb MichaelJF:

> Fourth, I was concerened about loosing a friend here and as all I noticed Joergs
> activities here were sparse within the last months and could not explain an
> addiction to the internet causing a mental disorder.

Partially it in fact can be explained by my obsessive-compulsory 
affliction described above, but also by the fact that I started to 
prepare the version 0.3 of my Earth Flight animation (on YouTube, look 
for "Yadgar1969"), which involves thorough processing of huge "Blue 
Marble" Earth satellite mosaic textures; this probably would occupy me 
well into 2014. Then there still is Khyberspace, the virtual 
Afghanistan, partially as an SRTM-based part of POVEarth, but also 
partially (the "Kabul Module") using a heightfield generated from a 
Soviet-made topographic map at a scale of 1:100,000.

I also deleted my www.khyberspace.de pages, as during almost 12 years, 
the response to it was next to none. Many contents of those pages were 
also much too personal, almost exhibitionistical to be presented to a 
global public. Why should anyone outside there take any attention of my 
current weight, hair length or my strange teenage obsessions having led 
me to that weird fascination of Afghanistan? Furthermore, also the 
"Greenbook" electronic organ database and the nascent "Rock-o-Data" 
music database have been erased. In the more distant future, when I may 
have acquired the mental strength to withstand the lure of "fear 
googling", I probably will return to the WWW to rework these projects.

My Afghanistan chronicle (http://home.arcor.de/yadgar/index.htm), 
however, remains on the Web, as also a close friend of mine uses this 
webspace, so I was not allowed at all to erase it...

But for the time being, I'm not able to tackle with the sheer 
availability of fundamentalist content on the WWW, at least when I'm 
alone at home and not under the "social control" of friends or in an 
Internet cafe where excessive surfing and "fear googling" would become 
too expensive.

> But than I googled about
> Joerg and found a lot of things he cannot eliminate from the net so fast (or
> ever) and now I understand him.

Which "things" do you mean?

> Joerg, if you ever read this lines, the POV-Community is concerned about POV of
> course in the first place but you can discuss a lot of things within the off
> topic group. Not all of course, but within the internet you will never find a
> better community. But I think you know this...

Yes, of course!

See you on my screen!

Yadgar

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=?ISO-8859-1?Q?J=F6rg_=27Yadgar=27_Bleimann?= <yaz### [at] gmxde> wrote:
> In fact, my most severe addiction (or better, compulsion as it gives me
> not even short-time positive feelings of satisfaction, only mental pain)
> is googling several times a day for the catchwords "sin" or "hell", to
> land up on Christian fundamentalist websites telling me that I, as a
> homosexual unbeliever, am heading straight towards a place and state
> infinitely worse than Auschwitz! Websites which tell me that even the
> faintest hunch of independent, individualist thinking is nothing less
> than spitting into the face of God Almighty, unforgivable unless I
> surrender to Fundamentalist doctrine and become a robotic slave of what
> they call "Jesus Christ". There must be tens of thousands of such
> websites, also in German language... and I'm simply addicted to
> religiously induced fear!

You must stop Googling "sin" and "hell," and stay away from fundamentalist Web
sites.  Why torture yourself?  See if there are any atheist, humanist, or
freethought groups in your community; they can help you deal with social
surroundings that condemn you for who you are.

Do you have a fundamentalist Christian background?  You might want to contact
Dr. Marlene Winell (http://journeyfree.org/).  I don't know if she knows of any
resources in Germany, but it's worth a try.

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On 1/22/2013 6:01 AM, Cousin Ricky wrote:
> =?ISO-8859-1?Q?J=F6rg_=27Yadgar=27_Bleimann?= <yaz### [at] gmxde> wrote:
>> In fact, my most severe addiction (or better, compulsion as it gives me
>> not even short-time positive feelings of satisfaction, only mental pain)
>> is googling several times a day for the catchwords "sin" or "hell", to
>> land up on Christian fundamentalist websites telling me that I, as a
>> homosexual unbeliever, am heading straight towards a place and state
>> infinitely worse than Auschwitz! Websites which tell me that even the
>> faintest hunch of independent, individualist thinking is nothing less
>> than spitting into the face of God Almighty, unforgivable unless I
>> surrender to Fundamentalist doctrine and become a robotic slave of what
>> they call "Jesus Christ". There must be tens of thousands of such
>> websites, also in German language... and I'm simply addicted to
>> religiously induced fear!
>
> You must stop Googling "sin" and "hell," and stay away from fundamentalist Web
> sites.  Why torture yourself?  See if there are any atheist, humanist, or
> freethought groups in your community; they can help you deal with social
> surroundings that condemn you for who you are.
>
> Do you have a fundamentalist Christian background?  You might want to contact
> Dr. Marlene Winell (http://journeyfree.org/).  I don't know if she knows of any
> resources in Germany, but it's worth a try.
>
Yes, definitely find some more sane people to talk to, visit. Seriously, 
"fundamentalists" are nothing of the sort. They cherry pick BS, based on 
their own fears and biases, and ignore everything else in their 
supposedly "holy" book. And, most of the stuff in it is absurd to the 
point of idiocy. Good example - the whole "three races" nonsense from 
Noah was, "Cain saw me naked, while I was drunk, so, despite the other 
two brothers being extra careful not to see me naked, when they covered 
me up, I cursed all of them!" Thus the "mark of Cain", and the supposed 
separation of humans into blacks, Jews and Asians, of which only the 
Jews where "redeemable". I mean, WTF? This crap is being taught in some 
voucher based schools in the US, on tax payer expense, because the 
wackos here think its important to "spread the truth".

And, the irony? There is evidence that gay issues, abstinence, etc., is 
becoming less and less relevant to younger people in the US, which is 
the "hotbed" of this nonsense, even as the fundie death cultists are 
getting more and more aggressive in trying to cheat their way into 
office and spread their crap all over everything.

No, the whole "sin" of being gay, has nothing to do with god, or hell. 
Hell didn't even exist as a coherent idea, until *after* the New 
Testament, when they needed to make promises of heaven, and invest a 
place of punishment (both stolen from the Greek and Roman legends), 
while ignoring Ecclesiastics, which pretty much denies the existence of 
*any* world beyond this one, never mind rewards/punishments for "sin" in 
life.

Like I said - cherry picking. There isn't much point to sin, if no one 
gets punished, so.. they choose to ignore the OT parts that deny the 
existence of heaven and hell, but "accept" the parts that would make 
their male centric, woman owning, "out breed the other races", the only 
real purpose in life is to make a lot of male babies, parts. The only 
sin/evil here is in their hate, fear, anger, and willingness to destroy 
people that don't agree with their absurd assertions, cherry picked 
mythology, and delusional view of how the world works.

You definitely need to find some people that are not totally nuts to 
talk to, and stop reading the lies of these irrelevant, less than 5% of 
the population, assholes.

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On Tue, 22 Jan 2013 09:01:52 -0500, Cousin Ricky wrote:

> =?ISO-8859-1?Q?J=F6rg_=27Yadgar=27_Bleimann?= <yaz### [at] gmxde> wrote:
>> In fact, my most severe addiction (or better, compulsion as it gives me
>> not even short-time positive feelings of satisfaction, only mental
>> pain)
>> is googling several times a day for the catchwords "sin" or "hell", to
>> land up on Christian fundamentalist websites telling me that I, as a
>> homosexual unbeliever, am heading straight towards a place and state
>> infinitely worse than Auschwitz! Websites which tell me that even the
>> faintest hunch of independent, individualist thinking is nothing less
>> than spitting into the face of God Almighty, unforgivable unless I
>> surrender to Fundamentalist doctrine and become a robotic slave of what
>> they call "Jesus Christ". There must be tens of thousands of such
>> websites, also in German language... and I'm simply addicted to
>> religiously induced fear!
> 
> You must stop Googling "sin" and "hell," and stay away from
> fundamentalist Web sites.  Why torture yourself?  See if there are any
> atheist, humanist, or freethought groups in your community; they can
> help you deal with social surroundings that condemn you for who you are.

It's easy to say "well, stop doing that, then" - but as he says, it's a 
compulsion, and something that it sounds like he's seeking help for.

Joerg, I do hope you get the help you need.  There are far more people 
who are accepting of your lifestyle and who don't condemn you for it.  
You have friends here (I've not talked to you much, but I always have 
found your posts and images interesting) who like you for who you are.  
When the compulsion strikes to seek out these fundamentalist hate sites, 
remember that above all - and if your therapist isn't helping you 
overcome the compulsion, then you might ask him/her if they know of 
another therapist who might be able to help you more.  It does take time, 
of course, to overcome deeply ingrained behaviours and compulsions, but 
it's not impossible.

Best,

Jim

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Hi(gh)!

Am 22.01.2013 15:01, schrieb Cousin Ricky:

> Do you have a fundamentalist Christian background?

No, not at all - it is a purely self-taught neurosis! It is not a 
genuine Christian faith, just a result of my compulsive searching for 
things to fear! And, the Christian/Islamic concept of hell is the most 
fearsome idea man at all is able to conceive, so I went for it... since 
early childhood, I am addicted to fear! In earlier years, I had 
different fear themes, such as contracting some deadly disease (most 
favourite: AIDS and rabies), ending up in an extermination camp in some 
future Orwellian turbo-fascist regime, becoming psychotic, becoming 
demented due to premature Alzheimer's or BSE, or even the fear of 
reality being in fact a Matrix-like setting, with myself being nothing 
but a brain floating in some liquid nutrient solution in a mad 
scientist's laboratory - or even being the only conscious being in the 
whole universe! But hell is definitely unbeatable when it comes to 
inducing fear! Fear, fear, fear - that has been my life during the last 
40 years! And only now I try to take some measures against this 
obsession... by retreating (mostly) from the Internet, limiting my 
activities to e-mail, usenet and telnet.

See you on my screen!

Yadgar

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